"And I can't change, Even if I tried, Even if I wanted to" -
SAME LOVE - Mackelmore and Ryan Lewis ft Mary Lambert
I keep hearing those words, over and over, running through my thoughts. No, I'm not gay, or bi either for that matter. But that doesn't change the fact that I can relate to the sentiment. I am who I am, and I can't change that. I've tried, I've wanted to, but I just can't do it. Looking at it honestly, I don't want to change. I want to be ME.
So, what happens when what you want and need, are in direct conflict with the wants and needs of your partner? I can't ask him to change. For the same reasons that I can't change. It's just not who he is, and I would never want him to be anything else.
But I find myself being resentful of the situation. Would I have done things differently if I'd know before that I'd never be able to have that part of my life that I crave? No, I would still be here where I am. I love him, I have never felt this way about anyone before. He makes me laugh, he loves me, he shows me beauty in the world in the strangest places, makes me a better person, and I enjoy his company. Did I mention the sex is amazing? LOL, yes that is important!!
I feel like I'm whining, complaining, being childish...when all I want is to work through this in my head. To understand me, my situation, my relationship.
I'm angry, and I don't get angry..........................
