What do you call her?

She said yes. She told him to do it. He was her husband....and while he did it she lay there and cried, praying it would be over soon, hate in her eyes. Had she said No, he would have done it anyway.   (I was asked by my babydoll to proofread this post and it has stirred up some emotions and issues from my past  so I feel I need to comment on this blog as well   ~DT)

Is it rape?
 
(Yes it is .) 

Rape is defined as
unlawful sexual activity and usually sexual intercourse carried out forcibly or under threat of injury against the will usually of a female or with a person who is beneath a certain age or incapable of valid consent

sexual assault is defined as
a statutory offense that provides that it is a crime to knowingly cause another person to engage in an unwanted sexual act by force or threat.


By force of threat...or under threat of injury.

So, what if you're arguing, he isn't violent...YET, but his previous patterns say he will be soon. And you tell him, fine do it you want it so bad just stick it in and get it over with. Then you lay there looking at him with hate in your eyes, letting him know just exactly how much you hate him. Is there a threat? Is that consent? Is it rape? sexual assault? none of the above?
(Yes it is just because he hasn't hit you YET doesn't mean he won't.)

What is it called when you have sex with your husband so that you won't have to argue with him, because that argument is going to be verbally abusive, demeaning, hateful, and just plain hell. What do you call that woman?
( If you are under the worry or thought of abuse, physical or mental and under duress use sex as a "distractionary" tactic, it is sex under duress or threat of abuse, So again I say yes.) 

What do you call the woman who wakes up to find her husband on top of her, penetrating her, oblivious of the fact that she is asleep, not caring that she can't say yes? Only caring about his own base needs. His response to the tears afterward? I couldn't help it you are just so sexy. Is she just being sexy? Is that the price she pays for being attractive to men?
(You would call her the victim of a RAPE, even married it is still non-consensual sex)

What do you call the woman that says yes, but as the act progresses she says no, it hurts it's not what she wants...please stop. Don't do this, it hurts please stop, with tears in her eyes, pleading. Only for him to continue on? Is she a victim? Did she ask for it? Is she being a tease? And the next night when he wants it again, and she refuses only to be met with a guilt trip about his needs, and how she is so beautiful, so sexy, he loves her so much. Would it just be easier if she were ugly?
(What kind of animal does this to a person he "professes" to love? I understand the heat of the moment, but if she says stop it hurts and is crying, you are needing to stop. )

Does a wife even have the right to say no? Isn't it her duty to serve her husband? Wifely duty and all that? What is it if the woman says no because it is her duty as a wife. Does she even have the right to say NO? And if verbally beaten into the position where she does it because its frankly just easier to do it and get it over with than it is to fight it? To just say yes when every cell in your body says no I don't want this.
(Wifely duty, even the letter of most "Christian vows" doesn't spell out that she must "have marital relations or else" her sexual duties to her husband stop at her consent, it is her body and as such, she can say "no". Men if she is saying no, rather than get pissed off and demand she performs "marital" or worse taking them, find out why she doesn't or won't, listen and try to fix it, even if you need outside help)

How does this woman say NO when he threatens to take the children and never let her see them again? To have her removed from "his" house? To shut off the phone, Internet, satellite, water, electric, take away her car keys and physically disable the car as well? What if she can't support herself and her children outside of the marriage? WHAT DO YOU CALL IT WHEN SHE SAYS YES????
(In my opinion, this is the LOWEST form of mental abuse and should be a criminal offense, the denial or threat of denial of basic necessities.  Again this is "consent under duress or threat' and should be prosecuted as rape)



(To the woman who has endured this but not been hurt enough to get a ride in an ambulance or worse a hearse, I would call her a "survivor". Please explain to me how in most states in this glorious country a woman can get help, assistance to get away BEFORE she is beaten, battered or killed. But in the MAJORITY of the states in this SHAMEFUL country, the divorce and domestic violence codes are so old and backward that even a trip to the hospital might not even be enough to get her the help she needs to escape, to live, to survive. I know you are asking what do I know of domestic violence? What do I know of Rape? As a man, I have been married twice and never perpetrated "marital rights" on either of my wives, and the big one is my own mother was beaten to death in according to the police "a random act of "senseless" violence", what that says is a PC way of saying she was murdered when she defended herself against a rape. So with that view into the dark corners of my soul, you can see why my emotions are so strong and raw on this topic. In closing, this country needs a complete overhaul of the divorce and domestic violence standards and penal codes that is set to a NATIONAL standard and LISTENS to victims as much as the perpetrator.
thank you for reading this and if you have the ability to make a change please do before it is someone you know or love that this happens to.







WHAT DO YOU CALL
THE WOMAN THAT LIVES ALL OF THIS EVERY DAY?























I call her ME.






You see, sometimes, it is simply survival. There is no leaving, the reasons are too many, too varied, too complex. So, you stay and you keep doing it. You hate yourself for it, you are dirty, used, broken. You try to be unattractive, you just hope to survive to live another day.


It wasn't supposed to be about ME.........

He's gone....

So, it was that time again. Time for me and DT to spend time together live and in person!

DT flew into the airport 3 hours away while I was at work. He was able to get his rental car and drive out to my mother's house and I still had 2 hours to work. True to form he got to town before I was ready, mainly because he was in such a hurry to get to me that he didn't stop and get something to eat. Since I wasn't ready for him I decided to have him meet me at a local fast food place. ( I know I know, bad sub )

So, I hustled my little butt to get ready praying to make it there before him. No such luck...again what am I thinking I have got the be the worst sub ever! This is the second time we have been together and the second time I've left him waiting. I don't know how he puts up with me frankly. I disappoint myself.

I finally showed, and we had something to eat, our hands and lips all over each other. It was just incredible to see him again, to be with him, to feel him. I wanted to cry, I wanted to laugh, I wanted to stop time.

A quick run to the store, and then to get some drinks before heading to the house. Our home for the next few days. And what is the first thing we did? mmmm, yeah you got it I got to claim my bragging rights again.

We got in the house and kissed and cuddled and loved each other until he was ready, he swatted my ass and sent me off to the basement. I needed a few minutes to prep so gave him 5 minutes to wait for me (yeah I know again). I stripped, and got into position, on my knees eyes to the floor, and waited for him. He came into the room, and I stripped him from the waist down and proceeded to suck him off. With only one goal in mind. To make him cum, and swallow it all. Well, after 8 days of no release I had no hope of taking it all, so wore it. Yes, wore it...mmmm and that started my hot sex-filled weekend. I'm exhausted and can't wait to hear his voice again.

He worries....about me

When I was a little girl I knew exactly what kind of man I was going to marry. He was kind and loving, gentle, but in control, he cherished me, worried about me, a little jealous and possessive and because of this I wanted nothing more than to serve him and make him happy. Now, I look back and see the lifestyle hints back then but never realized just where that came from.



What I've found myself married to. TWICE, are men who are controlling, demeaning, hateful, spiteful, lazy, and abusive. So, with them both I shut down, there was no happiness in my life. I went on day by day, I gave up. To the point of letting myself and my home go to waste. I retreated into the worthless heap of nothingness that they made me believe I was. This month is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Not something I came here with the intent of talking about but in reading posts from several wonderful bloggers like Britni I've been forced to look at my life, where I have been and where I am now, and with that came the harsh realization that my current husband is a classic abuser. As was my Ex. Not something you want to have to admit to yourself.





But that's not why I'm here today. That's something I am still working with and dealing with, one day I'll be back to discuss that in more detail. Today I'm here to relish another man in my life. The Man I dreamt of as a child. He's not perfect, no far from it honestly. But he loves me, completely. His kinks match mine. We see our lifestyle in a similar light and only want to watch it grow and shape itself into something just for us. He worries about me if he doesn't hear from me and he should have if he knows my FX is home or close to it. He has said several times that he loves me so much that he cannot imagine our life together being so short-lived. So, he keeps me cautious and warns me of potential dangers, he reminds me to stay safe and securely grounded when the FX is home. He has a green streak, that is cute it reminds me that I am his and only his and that he cares enough about me to give me that little bit of jealousy to make me feel good. He is possessive of me...but not in the abusive controlling way. He claims me as his, he loves me like no other and makes me feel wanted and desired. This man has given me all that I could ask for...right along with his imperfections. He's a geek, he's a kid at heart, he worries and stresses, not to mention married to someone else...sigh.

The funny thing is that he tells me he worries, that he doesn't want anything to happen to me. And I don't know what to say. No one has ever felt that way before about me, or if they have they never felt I needed to hear it. So, what do I do, I get embarrassed, I blush, I tell him not to worry. I tell him to stop doing all those things that I've been looking for, all the things I've always wanted....the things that make him...HIM. What am I thinking????





Thank you, lover, for letting me concede gracefully.

I love you Sir

10 Things I Hate About You - sub addition

Recently my oldest daughter has been obsessed with this movie. Now I will admit its a cute one for the teens.


So, inspired by this I decided it was time to do my top ten list for my loving Sir Die_tryin. And then again, a top ten for hating my FX. Hate is a strong word, but I must say that right now its the only word I have for him. Now, let's add to this that a few weeks ago I asked my DT to make a post about the feelings he was having about his FX. He didn't go anywhere near where I wanted him to go, but that's ok it was his therapy so who am I to dictate. You can read his post on our blog from yesterday.


10 Things I Hate About You - FX addition

1. The way he can't ever say anything positive about me without following it with a plethora of negatives. You look good, but your butt could really be more toned, and your belly is kinda soft.

2. The way he fights. Mean, nasty, dirty, aggressive, violent.

3. The way he uses my body for his pleasure. This may sound odd coming from a sub like me, but when he uses me it's not the same. It's only about sex, not me, not him, not love, not submission....just sex. And let me just say that even when your married to someone - No should still mean No.

4. The way he has beaten and belittled me until I feel fat, ugly, worthless, and a complete failure. Oh but wait this is the same man that has this conversation with me...Him: I love you Me: you only love me for my body Him: yeah, and the problem with that is?

5. The way he has the power to make me cry still! Or maybe this something I hate about me. That I let him have this power.

6. His mental instability. How he can go from angry to happy to apologetic to cruel and hateful all in the blink of an eye.

7. How cruel he is to my children, and yet has the most patient loving demeanor with our two.

8. The way he says I'm talking down to him because I use big words like negate, positive affirmation, facetious, and quantify. Did you know the fact that I know more than 4 letter words makes me a know it all?

9. HYGIENE!!! Enough said.

10. The fact that he can do as he pleases and expects me to just accept it and roll with it, but if I even hint at doing the same I'm a horrible person....even a whore.







And now......

10 Things I Hate About You...errr WAIT, 10 Things I love about DT


1. The way he makes me laugh. No matter how dark and down I am, no matter how lost I feel, he can always make me smile.

2. The way he loves me. This man loves me unconditionally, with no strings attached. As we both say truly madly deeply completely always and forever....and a day.

3. His eyes, the way they shine with love when he looks at me, the way they sparkle when he laughs, the way they open up to his soul, be it good or bad.

4. His touch, no one has ever touched me the way he has. Soft and rough, smooth and harsh, tender and commanding.

5. The way we have so many things in common, both vanilla and kink. Sex, food, parenting, cars, computers, games, and so many other things.

6. The way we can spend hours talking, and never run out of things to say. There is a comfortable ease between us.

7. The way we fit together. He is an amazingly sexy man. His body fits against mine in passion and in sleep as if made for mine.

8. His kiss, oh dear lord his kiss!! The feel of his lips claiming mine is enough to stop me dead in my tracks.

9. His willingness to dominate and control me. To take me to places I have only dreamed of going, to challenge me and push my boundaries while always having my well being as his utmost priority.

10. The way he takes care of and spoils me. He has sent me coffee, shirts, a ring, and that's not to mention the emotional and psychological support he has given me. This man never ceases to stop giving.

and for good measure...

11. The most important thing.....

He loves and trusts me as his friend, his confidant, his partner, his lover, his sub, and his future wife.

SIR SUNDAY - 10 things

Sir Sunday – Ten things-The Dom edition.



The List……10 Things I love about His_Baby_Doll and 10 things I despise about my FX


Let me start from “my soapbox in the corner of the internet”


The things I love about HBD in no particular order;

1. Her smile, and not just her smile but how her face and eyes light up when she is happy and truly smiling. I do have photographic evidence of this and no I am not going to share, yes I am a selfish bastard

2. Her complete and utter love for me and the fact my complete love of her is accepted and returned.

3. The complete open and honest relationship we have, it makes the distance at least a little more bearable and it is the core block on which our whole relationship is built, as I often say “without our open and honest we wouldn't work”

4. I know even if we were “vanilla” we would love each other as strongly as we do right now, and it continues to grow every minute of every day.

5. We have very similar and complementing “kinks” and have genuine interests in the same topics and “fetishes”. Our excitement to learn is only limited by our imaginations.

6. Her compassion and ability to show love is the best I have ever had the pleasure of receiving and knowing.

7. Even though she will disagree with me I feel she is the sexiest woman I know and have ever had love me in return.

8. The BEST lover I have ever had!!!! (Enough said).

9. An incredible sense of humor that is always there even when we are being serious a joke or a side topic can pop in and out in full stride at full speed. HBD has a sharp wit and the intelligence to back it up.

10. The complete trust in me in all aspects of our lives.




The 10 things I despise about my FX. In no particular order;

1. Her complete lack of trust in me and my abilities. In every aspect of life.

2. The fact which has been proven time and time again that I am “not enough of a provider for the lifestyle she expects”

3. Her Temper and her “razor tongue” which when we argue and fight has a tendency to cut quick, cut deep and cut often.

4. How after vilifying my EX about taking me for granted for as long as she did is now doing the exact same thing and when confronted justifies the acts with the statement “when your EX did it she didn't love you”, the FX has a strange way of showing love.

5. Her lack of patience with important issues, her constant pushing of issues always causes more hurt than results.

6. When she feels stressed or cornered, whether or not she truly is, verbally she goes off on the people who are closest to her, further alienating and hurting the ones she professes to love.

7. Her recent inability to make a decision and stick to it since the boys were born is both frustrating and infuriating.

8. The level of financial ruin I have been pushed into (in the name of love) based on the level of purchases I needed to make to “even the score between her and my ex”

9. How there is no level of communication except “superficial” and “argue”

10. When during the 3rd trimester of her complicated pregnancy I had to stop having sex with her for her own health and safety. She tells me I have destroyed our intimacy and I need to “re court her and woo her back” and I then spent the next 4 months proving to her that I did love her and desire her, to no avail, I was still taken for granted and I told her what she was doing to me and it was met with cold indifference.


So now that that is out of my system let the healing begin, and this can serve as a reminder to me about all the wrongs in my last marriage and keep me and HBD from falling into the same patterns.

I love, cherish and truly desire you Babydoll.
Please marry me and spend the rest of our days together, happy and loved.
I love you, Truly, Madly, Deeply.
~DT