He worries....about me

When I was a little girl I knew exactly what kind of man I was going to marry. He was kind and loving, gentle, but in control, he cherished me, worried about me, a little jealous and possessive and because of this I wanted nothing more than to serve him and make him happy. Now, I look back and see the lifestyle hints back then but never realized just where that came from.



What I've found myself married to. TWICE, are men who are controlling, demeaning, hateful, spiteful, lazy, and abusive. So, with them both I shut down, there was no happiness in my life. I went on day by day, I gave up. To the point of letting myself and my home go to waste. I retreated into the worthless heap of nothingness that they made me believe I was. This month is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Not something I came here with the intent of talking about but in reading posts from several wonderful bloggers like Britni I've been forced to look at my life, where I have been and where I am now, and with that came the harsh realization that my current husband is a classic abuser. As was my Ex. Not something you want to have to admit to yourself.





But that's not why I'm here today. That's something I am still working with and dealing with, one day I'll be back to discuss that in more detail. Today I'm here to relish another man in my life. The Man I dreamt of as a child. He's not perfect, no far from it honestly. But he loves me, completely. His kinks match mine. We see our lifestyle in a similar light and only want to watch it grow and shape itself into something just for us. He worries about me if he doesn't hear from me and he should have if he knows my FX is home or close to it. He has said several times that he loves me so much that he cannot imagine our life together being so short-lived. So, he keeps me cautious and warns me of potential dangers, he reminds me to stay safe and securely grounded when the FX is home. He has a green streak, that is cute it reminds me that I am his and only his and that he cares enough about me to give me that little bit of jealousy to make me feel good. He is possessive of me...but not in the abusive controlling way. He claims me as his, he loves me like no other and makes me feel wanted and desired. This man has given me all that I could ask for...right along with his imperfections. He's a geek, he's a kid at heart, he worries and stresses, not to mention married to someone else...sigh.

The funny thing is that he tells me he worries, that he doesn't want anything to happen to me. And I don't know what to say. No one has ever felt that way before about me, or if they have they never felt I needed to hear it. So, what do I do, I get embarrassed, I blush, I tell him not to worry. I tell him to stop doing all those things that I've been looking for, all the things I've always wanted....the things that make him...HIM. What am I thinking????





Thank you, lover, for letting me concede gracefully.

I love you Sir