Showing posts with label growth. Show all posts
Showing posts with label growth. Show all posts

Monday, April 12, 2010

Who am I....what am I?


Things in my life are so muddled and chaotic right now. I feel like my world has slipped off its axis, and is now hurtling itself off into the galaxy....what scares me the most about this. Is that I have NO control whatsoever on where I go or where I land. It strikes me as odd, how I have to have this control over everything. But when it comes down to it, I would gladly relinquish it all over to DT.

I've had to take time to just stop and think about all of this, and I'm in full-on denial about many things. So, I let the things I can think about come in, let them distract me. It has been refreshing at times and disturbing at others. One thing though is that I come out feeling like I know me just a little bit better. And I realize that I'm changing....still.

Those changes scare me. I'm always afraid that I will change so much that I am not the woman DT fell in love with. That we will not grow together. Some of the changes I've already seen he has been fine with. He embraced them, hell he saw it in me before I did and says it's not a change at all, it's just the real me coming out. And this again is a change that I feel is the real me coming out. But one I don't think he's seen, and one I'm afraid he will not embrace so readily.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

We Interrupt this story with a reality break !!!..... AGAIN!!!!!!!!



Sir Sunday

We interrupt this story with a reality break !!!..... AGAIN!!!!!!!!

Hello again, it must be Sunday again because here I am “on my soapbox in this corner of the internet”. I know today is to a much smaller audience as we recently had to go “underground” and “private” for a bit as we regroup from a bit of a “Reality check”. As you all read in the last post, HBD's FX found the blog,. And luckily for us, the combination of his confrontational nature and his low IQ kept HBD a little safe from him finding out the WHOLE story. (He couldn't get past HBD's sexy pictures from the last HNT). This has truly confirmed in my mind that he is truly just a walking penis, with no cares for HBD except for the express use of her body for his own pleasure. As HBD and I have full disclosure about all things past and present, I am at least familiar with his “shortcomings” in the role of the lover. This latest tirade from the FX is another in a long line of episodes that have me apologizing for Men as a whole.

I had asked HBD earlier if things in her marriage had ever been “good” at one point, (from being married twice myself I know at one point both of my marriages had been good, then through life and personal growth and atrophy things fell into disrepair). Here is a little transcript:

HBD:.....when things were "good" between us, well let's face it he never was really in one place long enough to make connections

DT: true enough, how long did things stay good?

HBD: honestly? good, or just my perception of good?

DT: honestly
.
HBD: My perception of good, mmmm, until about a year and a half ago.........truly good......never

DT: I am sorry that your marriage was never "good"...

HBD: Don't be. I didn't realize it wasn't, in my mind it was great.

HBD: I just didn't see the wrongs in it

DT: I know but on discovery, there has to be some regret

HBD: Yeah, there is. But on the other hand, I realize I had to go through that to be where I am now. Some times the reward outweighs the regret. And if I dwell on that regret I mentally put myself back into being beat down.

DT: well I won't let you go back there, lover...

HBD: I know, and I Thank You for that. You've pulled me back out of that hole, its kinda funny to say that I'm not leaving this marriage and the hell I live in for you, I am leaving it for me. But then to turn around and say that I never would have done it without you. It seems to be a contradiction of terms.




DT: All I did was shine the light and show you the "rope' (I know metaphor overload) you had to be willing to climb it for your self, I cannot make you climb it

HBD: Exactly...some days I feel like I just need to clarify that again. I'm not leaving my current because of us, I would do it anyway.

DT: I know lover, I wouldn't have it any other way

HBD: you and us, are just the icing on the cake

DT: Exactly Babydoll...







Now looking at this exchange between us, this is a common occurrence, we are always helping each other, not just in lifestyle but in life. I am proud to say I am completely in love with the whole person that is HBD, not just the sexy part ( well that is a great bonus). I want to thank you HBD for allowing me to love you, help you and nurture you. I am so very proud of the strides you are making and I will be here for you every step of the way, forever and a day!

~DT