Long distance goes face to face

How do you make the transition from long distance to living with someone you've met and fallen in love with online? Many of us have done it and failed, just as many have made it a success.

I find myself looking at my relationship with DT and it is fantastic, I love him as much as ever and all you have to do is look in his eyes to know he loves me... probably more than I deserve. We are happy, yes we have moments when we drive each other crazy. Sometimes it's his doing, but honestly, it's just as often mine.

When we started down this road 1600 miles apart we both said that certain things made up the foundation of our relationship, who and what we are together and as individuals. Some were little things, like our nightly tuck-ins. While others were much bigger, like our pledge to always be open and honest. Sure there were a lot of other things, to always communicate, he made promises to always put me first, to always treat me like a lady, to always show me how he felt, flowers, poems, back rubs, cups of coffee...I made promises, to keep my head above water financially, to always work to be a better person, to keep up on the cooking and cleaning. To take care of him, make him lunch, to stop being so negative and to accept that I am worthy.

We are both failing in so many ways. But the one thing that is going to do us the most harm? Well, its two things actually. First, complacency. It seems that we are so comfortable together that we've stopped trying. Stopped wanting to be the best for each other. I've found myself forgetting to do the things he asks of me, like getting his lunch together, he, on the other hand, has dropped so many of those little things that meant so much to me. And I don't point these things out to him. I don't point them out because I don't want to be like his ex. She wanted to be wooed back, I want to be wooed, she missed the poetry, I miss the poetry. I miss the cards, I miss the communication. So I don't say anything. Which leads to the biggest crack in our foundation. I've shut down. I don't talk about my feelings, I don't talk about my needs, I just don't talk. I don't tell him how I feel. I don't tell him what I need, I don't tell him what I want. There are a lot of reasons. Many silly and foolish!

I know it, I see it happening. I don't know how to fix it...and I want to. I want US back, the open honesty, the trust, the BDSM, the M/s, the DD. I need those things to be me. And without me, there can be no us.

PAIN

Sir Sunday

From the Mind of Sir Die_Tryin.

PAIN







The topic today is pain, unfortunately not the good ecstasy kind of pain derived from a good and vigorous “play” session. The kind of pain I am referring to is the deep pain in a situation that has gone beyond your control and you feel helpless to protect or help the other party involved.

This weekend was one of those long painful sessions when HBD's SO was home, as the regular readers know his job keeps him on the road for extended periods of time, not long enough by either of our likings. A little background about HBD's SO, he is EX military, an abuser, mental and emotional at this point but has a distinct potential for the physical abuse, it has surfaced in little manifestations up until now. He is a large man over 6' tall and weighing in over 280 lbs while HBD is a petite thing at just over 5' and less than 140 lbs. She is defiantly fighting out of her weight class. He is a bully by nature and uses his size to intimidate HBD and others as a means to get his way, and like all bullies when you show indifference or defiance it pushes them to the physical.

The last two days have been unbearable for me, they were going to discuss the plans for their impending divorce and separation, the details of who gets what and who pays for what. All their phone calls on this topic have always ended with him screaming and threatening to turn off all the utilities and services to the house. You can see where my helplessness has kicked in, being 1600 miles away doesn't help. So now where the pain begins.

He came home Friday late and interrupted our normal evening chatting and communication, he was in a foul mood and already starting shit. His whole focus was to get a sexual "release" and attempted everything he could to get HBD to comply. HBD has told him in no uncertain terms that there will never be any kind of intimate contact between them ever again. She has told him this on many occasions since her intent to divorce has been made open. He continually runs the gambit from the light and joking “friends with benefits” to actual threats of “rape” and he even started the actions once hoping to scare her into it. Now we move forward a bit, to the last two weeks when he has been talking to a woman we all know who herself is in a lie of a marriage - forced into what she thinks is an “open marriage” in order to keep her husband (I might touch more on her in a later rant) We will call her Iris the whore, she is a actually a self-professed “swinger” along with her husband and has a personal beef with HBD and myself over some Internet drama on a web site we all frequent, (this would be how I know about Iris' proclivities? At one time she had made moves on me prior to HBD and I becoming a couple, this is just some of the internet drama) Now Iris the whore has taken an interest in HBD's SO and started him down the path of attempting to “force” HBD into an “Open marriage” like her own. HBD has no desire to participate in this with him and has told him he is free to do whatever or whoever he wants she does not care what he does and do not care to know anything about it. He is intent on going out to Iris the whore on his way through her town this week, in fact, the bulk of today was spent with him talking to Iris the whore while HBD was sitting a mere foot away and he the whole time he was alluding to his plans with Iris the whore. When the topic of if or when HBD finds someone to be intimate with, he interjects that she cannot have anyone unless she gives him a piece of herself first and he will continue to “have her until the divorce is final”. WTF this guy is a fucking tool, he then goes on to whine to HBD that he wants her to help him find lovers for him, (OMG is this asshole for real?) Now before I get sounding all holier than thou and like a sanctimonious prick. He really thinks he is going to make it impossible for HBD to leave by his actions as well as by mentally and emotionally beating her into thinking she can't survive without him, then go on the road and fuck anything he wants and come home to have her service him and she is supposed to just accept it? All he seems to want at this point from HBD is a hole to get off in. Again WTF!!!!! When will this jackass get a clue and realize that Don't touch me means just that DON'T TOUCH ME! And that he will never have intimate relations with her again. Separated means they are done. Even if he does want to work things out like he still says he wants to, you don't go OPENLY flaunting your plans to bed a whore in front of the woman you claim to want to fix things with.

I've gotten a bit off topic so now will touch a bit more on the pain, knowing his potential for violence and that his one driving focus is his penis, as well as his mental instability, every moment there is no contact with HBD sends me to dark places, is she OK, mentally, physically, emotionally. Has he beat her self esteem down to the point that she has given up her resolve to end things between them, has she withdrawn from thinking about leaving him, is she contemplating ending us. This thought is almost too much to bear, too much for my soul to take, I have made a vow to her to always protect her and nurture her and be her partner. I feel bad for feeling so weak, for allowing myself to be overtaken by these emotions, I know that HBD is devoted to me, I know she loves me, and I know she wants us. I pray he gets a clue soon and gives up before it gets ugly.

Until then all I can do is continue to be here for HBD and untangle my own situation, to work on getting us together, forever and a day

I love you Babydoll, and can't imagine a life without you, just be strong.

~DT (with edits from HBD)

A brief note from HBD
I have read this blog post more than once and edited it slightly for content. DT speaks for me, my thoughts, my fears, my feelings, my wants, and desires. These are things he is fully aware of, we have no secrets and are completely honest with each other. So, when he said that I have told my SO there will be no intimate contact, he has heard this straight from me, and it is the pure and simple truth.

I love this man Die_Tryin, he is everything that I have ever looked for in a man, things I didn't know I needed to feel complete. We are a perfect fit, made from complementary molds. I will be with him, forever...and a day.

OH, and don't forget to run over to my Tumblr page!!

Sir Sunday - Strength

Time again for Sir Sunday,


Tonight I am going to be a little somber today, not too much on the lifestyle or on the sex. (I know I am totally risking my readership) I just wanted to comment on HBD and her incredible strength through the trials of the last couple of days. She is standing on the edge of the end of her marriage to a physically abusive man, and a definitely mentally abusive man. The weekend has gone from good to bad to worse and through it all HBD has held her conviction even in the face of the threat of physical bodily harm. (This gets me hot under the collar, A topic for another day and another venue)
I know this sounds like I have a vested interest in this situation. On some levels I do, and on others, I am totally happy to see her grow and regain her life that has been repressed for so long by a series of men who felt it necessary to keep her feeling worthless to keep her “under their thumb”. I know to some of you it sounds crazy for a “Dom” to say that they are proud of a sub and for a sub to show conviction or self-esteem. Those people are wrong, and don't know what it means to be a sub or Dom for that matter.

Well that is where my interest comes in, I am interested in the long future with HBD, I want her as my partner as well as my sub. I am starting the separation and untangling of my situation here as well and finding my inspiration in the strength of HBD.

Thank you HBD for loving me, and accepting me with all my flaws and faults. Just remember I will always love you, always NEED you and always Desire you. You are worth it lover never forget it and we will be together.

~DT

stress, doubts and insecurities....

It's funny how you can be flying along high as a kite, the world is in your hands and everything you've ever wanted finally seems to be coming together. A commitment is made, a promise is spoken, a plan set up...and then in the blink of an eye, it's gone.

All of a sudden there are insecurities, that lead to doubts, that bring on stress. Now it seems like everything is wrong, and you just can't move forward, paralyzed with doubts. Doubts that have no business in your heart, because you know they are unfounded. How do you make these go away, stop them in their tracks and move forward with the plan? The plan that you know will come to pass.

It has been an odd evening. Steps were made towards the final goal, a little preemptive I think, and perhaps that's why it's bothering me. There is a vital step in the plan that hasn't happened, mmm, make that two. And yet here we are on step 3. You know I was ok with that honestly until something else happened. Something that just left me confused, and yes again insecure. So, now I have doubts...I mean HUGE serious doubts. Fears, and near panic...and I know I'll talk to DT later and he'll say all the right things, and tell me what I want and need to hear. And everything will be fine....but right now, here and now I'm not I'm stressed and I don't like it. And that little voice the one that always speaks my doubts, the one that brings out the lost child looking to find her way home, that one is yelling at me right now to run, run away, don't look back and whatever I do don't trust.

This goes back a few days honestly. As I sit and think about it, something happened that shook me. Shook me HARD, at a weak moment. It started the rock rolling, and now I have a full-on avalanche. So, for now, I'll wait. Wait for who knows what. Just knowing that I'm not sure anymore, that I don't want to know the truth, that it may hurt me deeper than any wound I've ever known. Because with that pain, I'm afraid I'll lose myself again.

***********UPDATE***********



"The inspiration for it was, I heard Reba McEntire's 'Whoever's in New England,' and I thought, 'What a great song.'" Jennifer says. "I really liked the story of it. At the same time, it's a story that you hear a lot — the jilted lover, the one who has been cheated on. I thought, 'You know, in that situation, there are three people hurting. Ain't nobody really happy. What if you were bold enough to tell the story of that other woman, and what she feels like in loving someone that is not fully hers either and knowing that there's another woman that's hurting because she's in the picture?' That's complex, adult stuff. Ultimately, it's about the redemption of loving oneself enough to realize, 'I am worth more than this situation. We're all worth more than this situation, really.'"



So, it gets worse as the night goes on. A brief moment of talking, he's got this news that's going to benefit US, I love the man dearly but let me tell you he has got to learn not to believe her. Her lies are so constant that even the truth is a lie. So, after a very short couple minutes, she has managed to again WIN. I'm tired of it, seriously, when will it be my turn.

Finally Friday...

Where did the week go? I look back at this week and wonder where did the days go? What was I doing during all the minutes since last weekend? On the other hand, I'm looking forward to our meeting and it seems like it will NEVER get here.

The heat isn't helping, I can't get motivated to do anything that will pass the time. And I want to, after so many years of not caring and letting things fall apart around me, now I want to do them, I want to improve my life and make things better for me and my kids. What changed, I don't want to do it for DT, I don't want to do it for SO, I want to do it for ME! I've always known that you can't change for another person. But I have found that another person can have a profound effect on your desire to improve yourself. Just by showing you that you are worth it.

I've been married twice and both times I was with men that were angry, violent, and controlling. Both kept me in a mental state of worthlessness, I had no desire to do anything to take care of myself much less improve myself. I gave up, I became a shell of the person I had once been. In essence, I had lost my own identity. But then my Sir DT came into my life and turned that around. He saw the real me and has allowed me to come out of my shell to be the person I SHOULD be. He once said to me that in helping me find myself he only hoped that it didn't change who I am. It was then that I realized there wasn't any chance of it changing me. Because the me I was finding was the one I always was inside, the one he saw and cared enough to nurture and allow to shine.

For that I will always be grateful.....but more importantly I will ALWAYS be grateful for his love, he has loved me unconditionally and continues to do so more and more every day.

We interrupt this romance.....

To rip the rug right out from under my feet.

Let's go back, way back. About 6 - 8 months ago I was minding my own business at life. I was married, with kids, and just sleepwalking through life. I met this guy DT, he was married, and things seemed good for them. Things came and went and time went on, and as things happened we started to find that we had a LOT in common, more and more with each passing day.

There were things in the way, a virtual relationship with my virtual sister. A marriage for him, a marriage for me. Kids for us both. And over 1000 miles between us. We played and had fun, saying that if things were different, maybe....maybe.

Then the virtual relationship with my virtual sister fell apart, and we started to come closer and closer to each other. And then the day came that he asked me to be his sub. We designed a ring and we made a commitment to each other. It was then that things really started to grow and build between us. There was a 5-hour chat that brought us to some painful realities. But we grew stronger. And at some point, we realized that we HAD to be together. There was so much talk about when we could extract ourselves from our current situations. And that brings me to today...

His wife found out about me.

Now what? Well, I don't know......and have no idea when I will.

HNT.....

So, my loving Sir Die_tryin is just too sweet to me. A while back my beloved Rottweiler had to be put to sleep, and I was just miserable. Crying for days, knowing that he couldn't be here with me he sent me his shirt...after he wore it! A wonderful T-shirt hug from him to me. I wore it for a day before sending it back to him no longer smelling like him, but smelling like US. So here it is....enjoy






Stopover and visit Osbasso and all of the other wonderful folks on HNT this week!!

explain this....

Love....and lust....over a long distance.

How is it that I can be so completely in love with someone that is so far away? add to that the fact that I've never met him. I mean face to face meeting. I've seen pictures, talked to him for hours online, and not to mention HOURS on the phone. But he's never touched me, never kissed me, never looked in my eyes. How can I be this devoted to him?

Not only that, but how can he return those feelings? His love for me, is so deep that I can hear it in his voice and see it in his actions towards me. But, then again HOW?!

I don't know the answer, and honestly I'm not sure that it matters. I know that I love him, I know that he loves me, and I know that no matter what we will be together. I can only hope that everyone else that finds themselves in this position, of loving so completely lets that love grow and doesn't shun it just because of a few miles of separation.


One last thought, again over these long distances. How is it that I can feel his touch? taste his kiss? how can I know that making love to him, submitting to him, will be amazing? I don't know!! But I know that the mere thought of him is enough to make my pussy wet, the thought of his touch will drive me to orgasm. I want him.....No I need him. And all this with oh so many miles between us.