What do you call her?

She said yes. She told him to do it. He was her husband....and while he did it she lay there and cried, praying it would be over soon, hate in her eyes. Had she said No, he would have done it anyway.   (I was asked by my babydoll to proofread this post and it has stirred up some emotions and issues from my past  so I feel I need to comment on this blog as well   ~DT)

Is it rape?
 
(Yes it is .) 

Rape is defined as
unlawful sexual activity and usually sexual intercourse carried out forcibly or under threat of injury against the will usually of a female or with a person who is beneath a certain age or incapable of valid consent

sexual assault is defined as
a statutory offense that provides that it is a crime to knowingly cause another person to engage in an unwanted sexual act by force or threat.


By force of threat...or under threat of injury.

So, what if you're arguing, he isn't violent...YET, but his previous patterns say he will be soon. And you tell him, fine do it you want it so bad just stick it in and get it over with. Then you lay there looking at him with hate in your eyes, letting him know just exactly how much you hate him. Is there a threat? Is that consent? Is it rape? sexual assault? none of the above?
(Yes it is just because he hasn't hit you YET doesn't mean he won't.)

What is it called when you have sex with your husband so that you won't have to argue with him, because that argument is going to be verbally abusive, demeaning, hateful, and just plain hell. What do you call that woman?
( If you are under the worry or thought of abuse, physical or mental and under duress use sex as a "distractionary" tactic, it is sex under duress or threat of abuse, So again I say yes.) 

What do you call the woman who wakes up to find her husband on top of her, penetrating her, oblivious of the fact that she is asleep, not caring that she can't say yes? Only caring about his own base needs. His response to the tears afterward? I couldn't help it you are just so sexy. Is she just being sexy? Is that the price she pays for being attractive to men?
(You would call her the victim of a RAPE, even married it is still non-consensual sex)

What do you call the woman that says yes, but as the act progresses she says no, it hurts it's not what she wants...please stop. Don't do this, it hurts please stop, with tears in her eyes, pleading. Only for him to continue on? Is she a victim? Did she ask for it? Is she being a tease? And the next night when he wants it again, and she refuses only to be met with a guilt trip about his needs, and how she is so beautiful, so sexy, he loves her so much. Would it just be easier if she were ugly?
(What kind of animal does this to a person he "professes" to love? I understand the heat of the moment, but if she says stop it hurts and is crying, you are needing to stop. )

Does a wife even have the right to say no? Isn't it her duty to serve her husband? Wifely duty and all that? What is it if the woman says no because it is her duty as a wife. Does she even have the right to say NO? And if verbally beaten into the position where she does it because its frankly just easier to do it and get it over with than it is to fight it? To just say yes when every cell in your body says no I don't want this.
(Wifely duty, even the letter of most "Christian vows" doesn't spell out that she must "have marital relations or else" her sexual duties to her husband stop at her consent, it is her body and as such, she can say "no". Men if she is saying no, rather than get pissed off and demand she performs "marital" or worse taking them, find out why she doesn't or won't, listen and try to fix it, even if you need outside help)

How does this woman say NO when he threatens to take the children and never let her see them again? To have her removed from "his" house? To shut off the phone, Internet, satellite, water, electric, take away her car keys and physically disable the car as well? What if she can't support herself and her children outside of the marriage? WHAT DO YOU CALL IT WHEN SHE SAYS YES????
(In my opinion, this is the LOWEST form of mental abuse and should be a criminal offense, the denial or threat of denial of basic necessities.  Again this is "consent under duress or threat' and should be prosecuted as rape)



(To the woman who has endured this but not been hurt enough to get a ride in an ambulance or worse a hearse, I would call her a "survivor". Please explain to me how in most states in this glorious country a woman can get help, assistance to get away BEFORE she is beaten, battered or killed. But in the MAJORITY of the states in this SHAMEFUL country, the divorce and domestic violence codes are so old and backward that even a trip to the hospital might not even be enough to get her the help she needs to escape, to live, to survive. I know you are asking what do I know of domestic violence? What do I know of Rape? As a man, I have been married twice and never perpetrated "marital rights" on either of my wives, and the big one is my own mother was beaten to death in according to the police "a random act of "senseless" violence", what that says is a PC way of saying she was murdered when she defended herself against a rape. So with that view into the dark corners of my soul, you can see why my emotions are so strong and raw on this topic. In closing, this country needs a complete overhaul of the divorce and domestic violence standards and penal codes that is set to a NATIONAL standard and LISTENS to victims as much as the perpetrator.
thank you for reading this and if you have the ability to make a change please do before it is someone you know or love that this happens to.







WHAT DO YOU CALL
THE WOMAN THAT LIVES ALL OF THIS EVERY DAY?























I call her ME.






You see, sometimes, it is simply survival. There is no leaving, the reasons are too many, too varied, too complex. So, you stay and you keep doing it. You hate yourself for it, you are dirty, used, broken. You try to be unattractive, you just hope to survive to live another day.


It wasn't supposed to be about ME.........

10 Things I Hate About You - sub addition

Recently my oldest daughter has been obsessed with this movie. Now I will admit its a cute one for the teens.


So, inspired by this I decided it was time to do my top ten list for my loving Sir Die_tryin. And then again, a top ten for hating my FX. Hate is a strong word, but I must say that right now its the only word I have for him. Now, let's add to this that a few weeks ago I asked my DT to make a post about the feelings he was having about his FX. He didn't go anywhere near where I wanted him to go, but that's ok it was his therapy so who am I to dictate. You can read his post on our blog from yesterday.


10 Things I Hate About You - FX addition

1. The way he can't ever say anything positive about me without following it with a plethora of negatives. You look good, but your butt could really be more toned, and your belly is kinda soft.

2. The way he fights. Mean, nasty, dirty, aggressive, violent.

3. The way he uses my body for his pleasure. This may sound odd coming from a sub like me, but when he uses me it's not the same. It's only about sex, not me, not him, not love, not submission....just sex. And let me just say that even when your married to someone - No should still mean No.

4. The way he has beaten and belittled me until I feel fat, ugly, worthless, and a complete failure. Oh but wait this is the same man that has this conversation with me...Him: I love you Me: you only love me for my body Him: yeah, and the problem with that is?

5. The way he has the power to make me cry still! Or maybe this something I hate about me. That I let him have this power.

6. His mental instability. How he can go from angry to happy to apologetic to cruel and hateful all in the blink of an eye.

7. How cruel he is to my children, and yet has the most patient loving demeanor with our two.

8. The way he says I'm talking down to him because I use big words like negate, positive affirmation, facetious, and quantify. Did you know the fact that I know more than 4 letter words makes me a know it all?

9. HYGIENE!!! Enough said.

10. The fact that he can do as he pleases and expects me to just accept it and roll with it, but if I even hint at doing the same I'm a horrible person....even a whore.







And now......

10 Things I Hate About You...errr WAIT, 10 Things I love about DT


1. The way he makes me laugh. No matter how dark and down I am, no matter how lost I feel, he can always make me smile.

2. The way he loves me. This man loves me unconditionally, with no strings attached. As we both say truly madly deeply completely always and forever....and a day.

3. His eyes, the way they shine with love when he looks at me, the way they sparkle when he laughs, the way they open up to his soul, be it good or bad.

4. His touch, no one has ever touched me the way he has. Soft and rough, smooth and harsh, tender and commanding.

5. The way we have so many things in common, both vanilla and kink. Sex, food, parenting, cars, computers, games, and so many other things.

6. The way we can spend hours talking, and never run out of things to say. There is a comfortable ease between us.

7. The way we fit together. He is an amazingly sexy man. His body fits against mine in passion and in sleep as if made for mine.

8. His kiss, oh dear lord his kiss!! The feel of his lips claiming mine is enough to stop me dead in my tracks.

9. His willingness to dominate and control me. To take me to places I have only dreamed of going, to challenge me and push my boundaries while always having my well being as his utmost priority.

10. The way he takes care of and spoils me. He has sent me coffee, shirts, a ring, and that's not to mention the emotional and psychological support he has given me. This man never ceases to stop giving.

and for good measure...

11. The most important thing.....

He loves and trusts me as his friend, his confidant, his partner, his lover, his sub, and his future wife.

The Demons you don't know

I keep looking at my current situation, its a train wreck.

I love Die_tryin, with all my heart, but what it is he sees in me I'll never know. I don't really want to know either, those things those mysteries are his to keep. They make me love myself, simply out of respect for his love for me. Is that odd? Does that mean I'm too dependent on him?

Moreover, how did I get to be like this? How is it that I have allowed myself to become so weak that anyone who comes along can see that flaw and beat me into submission (and not the submission I crave). Looking at my FX and my EX I see that they both have beaten and abused me, mentally, emotionally, and yes to a point physically. I have crawled into a shell and retreated from the woman I should be. What about me has made this possible? Was it just a bad choice in men? Or is it a deep-seated flaw in my personality that makes me the eternal victim. I feel weak, broken, and substandard.

How will I move on? Divorce is in my future, not because of DT, but because I need to salvage what little is left of me. DT is a wonderful man, who loves me, and who I love completely. What happens between us is separate from me leaving my FX. But how do I find the strength and security I need to leave the one place I know, the one place where everything is predictable. How do I walk away from that into a world I don't know, one that is full of change and unknown demons? Sometimes the demons you know are worse than the ones you don't.


I'm scared, that I'm not ready..........that I can't do this.

STOP the planet I wanna get off.

And not in a good way either!

I'm so tired, physically and emotionally. This roller coaster I call life has turned into a nightmare, one I'm afraid will never end, or if it does it will end badly. I don't know how I ever thought it would end well....easy you might say. It won't.

The days are filled with a plethora of changing emotions, thoughts, outbursts...personalities all wrapped up in the body of my FX. I can never tell what personality will come out next. Will it be the kind caring man that wants to make a Poly relationship work? Will it be the vile hateful man that only wants to cut me with his words? Will it be the jealous angry man that is so very unpredictable who only wants to crush me, break me, and? Or, will it be the crying confused man that only wants to play guilt trips and word games to try and destroy me? Who will it be?

So far, all day he has been the kind caring man. But what will I find the next time I answer the phone?