Struggling...

I'm struggling right now...




As many of you know DT and I have a completely open and honest relationship. There are no secrets, and we are not afraid to tell each other EXACTLY how we feel. Normally this is a very calming and refreshing feeling for me. But tonight, I'm struggling with it.

I'm mad at him. Honestly MAD, this is a first for us. I have never been mad at him, and while I can't speak for him I do not believe he has ever been truly mad at me either. The bad part is that I find myself in a position of having to put open and honest aside in order to keep this added stress off him while he's getting his SO moved out. He did something that made me mad, and it can't be undone now. So, why even let it fester until he's home? Because I can't NOT tell him.

Now to top this off, I have all these major emotions going right now, we hardly talked yesterday because of packing, we hardly spoke today because of loading the truck. Then he had to go to a neighbors house to clean up and sleep because the AC at their house froze up and it's too hot to stay home. This is two nights that I was counting on having him to help me through this. Now I'm going into the worst few days of my life with him to date, and I'm floundering because I wasn't able to have the time I needed to be open and honest with him today. This is NOT a trend that I want to see starting with us.

I will admit that having to repress this open honesty is like telling me to stop breathing, it's crushing me.

Sir Sunday An analogy of the building blocks of relationships

Hello again, it is Sunday and time for me to step on my soapbox in this little corner of the internet. We apologize for the little interruption of our daily blog Service but HBD was a little “tied up”, who the hell am I kidding she was “a lot tied up”,

After an incredible first “get away” with HBD, I was reflecting on the dynamics of our relationship and the parts that make it work when all the conventional wisdom tells us it shouldn't. We have the very deep trust, (the most important ingredient, more on this later) then we have the friendship, our commitment, our partnership, our confidant roles and last but not least our similar “lifestyle” kinks.

So as I was reflecting on this sitting in a coffee shop I started thinking of relationships as a whole and started likening them to the espresso beverages that people order. Let's start with some drinks, (and if I don't name your favorite I'm sorry). There is the “straight” espresso, the “shot” as it were, then there is the Cappuccino, Latte, Mocha, Macchiato, Ristretto, Americano, and the Lungo. What do all these drinks have in common you ask? They are all a relationship built on a single block of espresso.

What does this have to do with real relationships? Well, the Espresso is the “trust” in a relationship if you start with good, fresh roasted and properly ground espresso beans, then tamp the grounds into the “portafilter” and then use the proper combination of time, temperature and extraction you will have a perfect building block for the rest of your beverage relationship. Does this mean any one of these drinks is better than another? No that is all personal preference, like is a “vanilla” couple better than a “Poly” relationship? Or a D/s or an M/s? again no. They are just different and based on personal preferences. Now back to this building block of trust, trust is the most important part of any relationship. Similar to if you remove the espresso form a Latte you just have steamed milk.

As I watched the customers come and go and order their drinks, I noticed an interesting trend, a handful of people ordered a “cappuccino” and then proceeded to complain to the barista, where is the vanilla syrup, where is the chocolate? This makes me laugh a little bit as people will order things with familiar names even thought it is not what they want, or even desire something else. Very much like people who don't trust their prospective partner to be honest enough with their wants and desires. I too have been guilty of this in the past, but now with HBD we have laid everything out in the open, all wants, desires, fears, and issues as they arise, there is a true trust here. I am hoping that all of my (small group) of readers will get to experience this at least once in their lives.

This trust made for an incredible trip, there was never an awkward moment, we were completely comfortable in all situations, even spending most of the trip naked and in each other's arms. We both slept deeper than we have since we were children safe in the care of our or parents. Yes, we had earth-moving love making and hot and sweaty sex and everything in between. There were a couple of moments where HBD drifted off to “subspace” a feat I had not expected to bring out in our first meeting let alone twice! Again this is possible due to trust. I am quite sure HBD will fill in the details in later posts as I have already gone beyond what a gentleman should tell.


Thank you Babydoll for loving me, trusting me, and the gift of your submission to me.

~DT

Trust,or the value of the lives we lead vs. the lives we show

Hello All, it is me Sir Die_Tryin

Let me start by saying tonight I had a much different take on this topic in my head just a few short hours ago, Let me tell you first please go over to My Baby Doll's tumbler page http://hisbabygirl-blog.tumblr.com/ as a weekly opposite to my “Sir Sundays” she deserves some love for keeping the dirty thoughts flowing.

Now on to the meat of my topic....................

“Trust”

To those of you who have been following our tale, you are familiar with the fact that my SO found out about His_Baby_Doll and is clinging to me to try to “save” our marriage.

In the subsequent discussions with the SO, it has come out that she never trusted me from our courtship even to that day she found out. She has professed to have complete trust in me now and has even taken complete responsibility and “forgiven” me for my almost “sin” saying she could forgive me anything. In light of her never fully trusting me you can see my reason for being leery.

I am going to give a little insight into the dynamic of the SO and me, we had been fairly happy, but pretty mundane the sex was there but “vanilla”. On the day after the “discovery” of My leanings in the “lifestyle”, she comes forth with a confession that she was interested in the lifestyle all along after reading the “Claiming of Sleeping Beauty” series years ago. Convenient confession, she just 5 days before had chided me and told me “during sex it seems like you always want to hurt me” in response to 2 slaps on her ass during sex (it was open hand and didn't even leave a red mark). So how can I trust her....... the answer is I can't. This is just the most recent example of the lack of trust from a person who was supposed to trust me completely. She has apologized to me for how horrible she has treated me and driving me into HBD's arms. Again how can I trust the apology? The subsequent days she has been running the “gauntlet” of emotions on me trying to use every angle she can against me, from pity to anger to her being suicidal, Again how can I trust her? So enough about the SO and her flailing.

In closing trust is something earned and given in return, it is not to be taken for granted and when given, it should be given completely without reservation or it is not trust. This is the Trust that HBD and I have discovered and given to one another, it is liberating and a truly blissful feeling, I hope all of you that have this can hang on to it and those who don't have it can find it someday.





Thank you to HBD for loving and trusting me completely.


~DT