Let me start by saying tonight I had a much different take on this topic in my head just a few short hours ago, Let me tell you first please go over to My Baby Doll's tumbler page http://hisbabygirl-blog.tumblr.com/ as a weekly opposite to my “Sir Sundays” she deserves some love for keeping the dirty thoughts flowing.
Now on to the meat of my topic....................
“Trust”
To those of you who have been following our tale, you are familiar with the fact that my SO found out about His_Baby_Doll and is clinging to me to try to “save” our marriage.
In the subsequent discussions with the SO, it has come out that she never trusted me from our courtship even to that day she found out. She has professed to have complete trust in me now and has even taken complete responsibility and “forgiven” me for my almost “sin” saying she could forgive me anything. In light of her never fully trusting me you can see my reason for being leery.
I am going to give a little insight into the dynamic of the SO and me, we had been fairly happy, but pretty mundane the sex was there but “vanilla”. On the day after the “discovery” of My leanings in the “lifestyle”, she comes forth with a confession that she was interested in the lifestyle all along after reading the “Claiming of Sleeping Beauty” series years ago. Convenient confession, she just 5 days before had chided me and told me “during sex it seems like you always want to hurt me” in response to 2 slaps on her ass during sex (it was open hand and didn't even leave a red mark). So how can I trust her....... the answer is I can't. This is just the most recent example of the lack of trust from a person who was supposed to trust me completely. She has apologized to me for how horrible she has treated me and driving me into HBD's arms. Again how can I trust the apology? The subsequent days she has been running the “gauntlet” of emotions on me trying to use every angle she can against me, from pity to anger to her being suicidal, Again how can I trust her? So enough about the SO and her flailing.
In closing trust is something earned and given in return, it is not to be taken for granted and when given, it should be given completely without reservation or it is not trust. This is the Trust that HBD and I have discovered and given to one another, it is liberating and a truly blissful feeling, I hope all of you that have this can hang on to it and those who don't have it can find it someday.
Thank you to HBD for loving and trusting me completely.
~DT
DT - I so know what you are going through. In my story, I've learned that my husband of the past 12 yrs has never trusted me and consistently lied to me since we started dating 13 yrs ago. My future is not as certain as yours but like you, how do I believe anything ever. Thank you for sharing your story. - B
ReplyDeleteDifficult situation to be in. All around. I have been in your SO's shoes at one time and I have also been in your shoes.
ReplyDeleteAll I can say is, if you aren't happy in the relationship, get out. Her now knowing about HBD, she can stand back and play the victim to the hilt and not have to take responsibility for your marriage ending. Be prepared as she will make sure everyone knows what you have done to her now. (I could be wrong but this is exactly what I experienced)
I know what it is like to be in a relationship where there is no trust. It will never survive. One partner tries to hang on for dear life and you feel smothered and suffocated... at least I did.
My best to you.. you have a hard road to travel. Be true to yourself.
essence
Thank you for your encouragement essence and Bside, it is going to be a rough road but my goal and desire is to get to HBD, the love of my life
ReplyDelete~DT