stress, doubts and insecurities....

It's funny how you can be flying along high as a kite, the world is in your hands and everything you've ever wanted finally seems to be coming together. A commitment is made, a promise is spoken, a plan set up...and then in the blink of an eye, it's gone.

All of a sudden there are insecurities, that lead to doubts, that bring on stress. Now it seems like everything is wrong, and you just can't move forward, paralyzed with doubts. Doubts that have no business in your heart, because you know they are unfounded. How do you make these go away, stop them in their tracks and move forward with the plan? The plan that you know will come to pass.

It has been an odd evening. Steps were made towards the final goal, a little preemptive I think, and perhaps that's why it's bothering me. There is a vital step in the plan that hasn't happened, mmm, make that two. And yet here we are on step 3. You know I was ok with that honestly until something else happened. Something that just left me confused, and yes again insecure. So, now I have doubts...I mean HUGE serious doubts. Fears, and near panic...and I know I'll talk to DT later and he'll say all the right things, and tell me what I want and need to hear. And everything will be fine....but right now, here and now I'm not I'm stressed and I don't like it. And that little voice the one that always speaks my doubts, the one that brings out the lost child looking to find her way home, that one is yelling at me right now to run, run away, don't look back and whatever I do don't trust.

This goes back a few days honestly. As I sit and think about it, something happened that shook me. Shook me HARD, at a weak moment. It started the rock rolling, and now I have a full-on avalanche. So, for now, I'll wait. Wait for who knows what. Just knowing that I'm not sure anymore, that I don't want to know the truth, that it may hurt me deeper than any wound I've ever known. Because with that pain, I'm afraid I'll lose myself again.

***********UPDATE***********



"The inspiration for it was, I heard Reba McEntire's 'Whoever's in New England,' and I thought, 'What a great song.'" Jennifer says. "I really liked the story of it. At the same time, it's a story that you hear a lot — the jilted lover, the one who has been cheated on. I thought, 'You know, in that situation, there are three people hurting. Ain't nobody really happy. What if you were bold enough to tell the story of that other woman, and what she feels like in loving someone that is not fully hers either and knowing that there's another woman that's hurting because she's in the picture?' That's complex, adult stuff. Ultimately, it's about the redemption of loving oneself enough to realize, 'I am worth more than this situation. We're all worth more than this situation, really.'"



So, it gets worse as the night goes on. A brief moment of talking, he's got this news that's going to benefit US, I love the man dearly but let me tell you he has got to learn not to believe her. Her lies are so constant that even the truth is a lie. So, after a very short couple minutes, she has managed to again WIN. I'm tired of it, seriously, when will it be my turn.

Trust,or the value of the lives we lead vs. the lives we show

Hello All, it is me Sir Die_Tryin

Let me start by saying tonight I had a much different take on this topic in my head just a few short hours ago, Let me tell you first please go over to My Baby Doll's tumbler page http://hisbabygirl-blog.tumblr.com/ as a weekly opposite to my “Sir Sundays” she deserves some love for keeping the dirty thoughts flowing.

Now on to the meat of my topic....................

“Trust”

To those of you who have been following our tale, you are familiar with the fact that my SO found out about His_Baby_Doll and is clinging to me to try to “save” our marriage.

In the subsequent discussions with the SO, it has come out that she never trusted me from our courtship even to that day she found out. She has professed to have complete trust in me now and has even taken complete responsibility and “forgiven” me for my almost “sin” saying she could forgive me anything. In light of her never fully trusting me you can see my reason for being leery.

I am going to give a little insight into the dynamic of the SO and me, we had been fairly happy, but pretty mundane the sex was there but “vanilla”. On the day after the “discovery” of My leanings in the “lifestyle”, she comes forth with a confession that she was interested in the lifestyle all along after reading the “Claiming of Sleeping Beauty” series years ago. Convenient confession, she just 5 days before had chided me and told me “during sex it seems like you always want to hurt me” in response to 2 slaps on her ass during sex (it was open hand and didn't even leave a red mark). So how can I trust her....... the answer is I can't. This is just the most recent example of the lack of trust from a person who was supposed to trust me completely. She has apologized to me for how horrible she has treated me and driving me into HBD's arms. Again how can I trust the apology? The subsequent days she has been running the “gauntlet” of emotions on me trying to use every angle she can against me, from pity to anger to her being suicidal, Again how can I trust her? So enough about the SO and her flailing.

In closing trust is something earned and given in return, it is not to be taken for granted and when given, it should be given completely without reservation or it is not trust. This is the Trust that HBD and I have discovered and given to one another, it is liberating and a truly blissful feeling, I hope all of you that have this can hang on to it and those who don't have it can find it someday.





Thank you to HBD for loving and trusting me completely.


~DT

Belts....

Out of all the implements out there for spanking, hands, paddles, whips, crops, floggers, etc. None of them turn me on as quickly as the sound of a belt being unbuckled, pulled through the loops and SNAPPED!

I don't know if its the smell of leather, the feel of its subtle texture, the incredible sound, or the exquisite sting of leather striking my flesh, that makes my knees weak and my pussy wet. And honestly, I don't care. It's the thought that consumes me since last night when I got to see THE belt. The one that will have a very exciting introduction to my ass in Denver.

I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. Wanting it, hoping it's all it's cracked up to be...LOL yeah, pun intended. I fully expect to come back from that trip with a new lease on life and a new appreciation for the belt.

Anyone have any great belt stories to share? I'm all ears

Finally Friday...

Where did the week go? I look back at this week and wonder where did the days go? What was I doing during all the minutes since last weekend? On the other hand, I'm looking forward to our meeting and it seems like it will NEVER get here.

The heat isn't helping, I can't get motivated to do anything that will pass the time. And I want to, after so many years of not caring and letting things fall apart around me, now I want to do them, I want to improve my life and make things better for me and my kids. What changed, I don't want to do it for DT, I don't want to do it for SO, I want to do it for ME! I've always known that you can't change for another person. But I have found that another person can have a profound effect on your desire to improve yourself. Just by showing you that you are worth it.

I've been married twice and both times I was with men that were angry, violent, and controlling. Both kept me in a mental state of worthlessness, I had no desire to do anything to take care of myself much less improve myself. I gave up, I became a shell of the person I had once been. In essence, I had lost my own identity. But then my Sir DT came into my life and turned that around. He saw the real me and has allowed me to come out of my shell to be the person I SHOULD be. He once said to me that in helping me find myself he only hoped that it didn't change who I am. It was then that I realized there wasn't any chance of it changing me. Because the me I was finding was the one I always was inside, the one he saw and cared enough to nurture and allow to shine.

For that I will always be grateful.....but more importantly I will ALWAYS be grateful for his love, he has loved me unconditionally and continues to do so more and more every day.

HNT boot loving....

a little sexy boot look...




Stopover and visit Osbasso and all of the other wonderful folks on HNT this week!!

another shower

It's so hot and you're not expected home for a couple hours I've been cleaning all day and I decide to sneak in a quick shower before starting dinner. I strip down and enter the warm water letting it run over my body washing the day's stress away.



Reaching for the soap I lather up my hands enjoying the slick suds on my fingers, quickly soaping my body knowing time is short if I want to get supper on the table before you get home. Most nights wouldn't be an issue, but I have plans for tonight. Arms, legs, hips, shoulders, stomach, ... breasts oh... yeah, my soapy fingers glide over my breasts bringing a gasp to my lips. I couldn't stop myself now, caressing both breasts in earnest. running my hands over my hardening nipples closing my eyes as the hard nubs slide between my fingers.



Caught up in the moment pushing my breasts together squeezing the nipples and twisting them with a pinch for good measure, rolling them through my finger tips feeling my pussy getting wet and dripping down my leg. But not daring to touch it, I want to be ready for you when dinner is done. To show you the results of having left me alone for the day - wanting and needing you. But my breasts and nipples are fair game.



Then I hear the distinct sound of the bathroom door opening and realize you're home early. CRAP, there's no way to hide what I've been doing, my cheeks are flushed, my nipples erect and my breathing is quickened



"Babydoll? What's this? you couldn't wait for me?" I can hear the displeasure in your voice.



'No, Sir, I . . . " you cut me off with a finger on my lips, then pulled your shirt off.



"I am very disappointed, little one, I thought tonight would be ours." your pants were dropped in a heap on the floor, socks and boxer briefs quickly following. Your erection brought a deep yearning feeling to my groin, I couldn't help but groan softly at the site of your naked body before me. I wanted you, now, here, I wanted to touch you, taste you, feel you inside my body. But the look on your face caused me to step back from you as you came into the shower and reached for me. You were upset, I'd let you down. I didn't know what to expect.



Without a word, you grabbed my wrist twisting me away from you with a gentle push. With my free hand, I catch myself against the cool tile wall and hold my body against it with my other hand still caught behind me. Your free hand came down hard on my ass cheek, causing me to gasp in surprise and groan deeply wanting all at the same time. Your hand slipped down between my waiting lips to feel the hot wetness of my eager pussy. You chuckled softly knowing I was more than ready to serve your desires, without a second thought you leaned over, bit my shoulder gently then slipped the head of your cock between my legs, and deeply into my waiting hole. Screaming your name as my first orgasm rocked my body...



Who says a little misbehaving doesn't have its rewards.

from camera shy to camera whore....

OK, so maybe not whore...but definitely not camera-shy any more!

I have to tell you that I hate cameras unless I am behind them. Then I love them, can't get enough of them. I love taking pictures of people, things, nothings...lol I just love my camera. But letting someone take pictures of me...or taking them myself is just not me. I don't like it, never have, never will.

But I have to admit that over the last few weeks of school I was taking pictures of myself almost daily. And I was enjoying it. Why? Because he enjoys it. He appreciates what he sees. And that is good for my ego. I won't deny it, after years of being told I wasn't attractive it's been a huge boost to me as a person.

Now, school is out and I've actually started to miss my sessions with the camera. So, I sucked it up and I bought myself a webcam. WOW, that was a huge step! And we used it for the first time tonight. Well, it wasn't awful, but just ask DT, it was very hard for me....and I'm not sure I'll be able to do it again honestly. Sigh.

From DT to HBD A story of love and submission.

A day late I know, but I did feel that Father Day had to be addressed. So, for your viewing pleasure, Sir Sunday...on Monday. LOL






I have walked in on you at your desk at our office working late for the 3rd night this week. "Babydoll what are you doing? The workday ended 2 hours ago,"

“I'm not caught up” you protest “just a few more things left to do”.

“Come over here now” I say, standing in the doorway to the R& D lab. You give me a look of “but” and again I say “come to me”, you comply. At this point I notice the attractive skirt suit you wore to work today and that your hair is a bit disheveled from your frustration with your project.

“Yes Sir” you say with a hint of question in your voice as you arrive in front of me.

“lets get those projects off of your mind for a bit”,

“yes Sir” you reply.

“Good” now get into the shower, you start to turn to protest as you walk by, I plant a firm spank on your ass as you pass, “don't question me” I say with a sly grin on my face. “undress in here, I want to watch you” I instruct, you comply, giving me a slow and sensual teasing undressing.


I nod in approval, as you start the shower, I move to the room you are in as you step into the shower. I watch you as you step into the warm water, and start to soap up, by this time I have undressed as well and am now entering the shower.

“I was hoping you would join me Sir”. I gather you up in my arms and kiss you deeply the warm water cascading off of our bodies from all sides. Our hands rubbing, caressing and exploring each others body.

You look at me longingly and I ask you “what is it Babydoll?” you reply “ I love you Sir” I smile and say “ I love you too Babydoll”.

I roll you against the cool tile of the shower wall as I continue to touch you all over, I raise your hands above your head and it is then you notice the ring on the wall and the nylon restraints, as I put them on your wrists, leaving you back against the wall and facing me.

“Babydoll how many times have I told you work is for office hours?” I see your lower lip quiver in anticipation of my reaction to your reply.

“A couple” you reply,

“turn around”, as you do the water is now running down your back from your shoulders, I give you another swat on your ass firm, but more sound than pain, I then run my hand between your legs and feel the warm juices from your pussy, you groan and try to encourage me to keep playing there. I swat your ass again a little harder this time, I catch you looking back at me, at my throbbing erection and I see the longing in your eyes.

“How do I get you to learn this lesson?” I muse to myself, another smack on your ass a little harder this time. I check your pussy again, it is even wetter than before.

I stand behind you and let you feel my cock as I lay it in the crack of your ass, you are pushing back against me , urging me to take you, I reach around and grab your nipples, you gasp as I hold them hard. I let them go and then focus in rubbing your clit and working your pussy with my fingers. I feel you cum once, twice and a third time. I stop and turn you around to face me, I see the flush in your cheeks from the orgasms I kiss you hard and deep, the warm water still cascading around us I hike you up on my waist your hands still tied and I slide my cock into you. I start to pump you, firmly and with a steady pace as I continue to work you against the wall. And occasionally stop to nibble , or bite a nipple, you are in sheer ecstasy I feel you cumming I have lost count at 4 as I am starting to to build myself and I am going a bit harder and faster now. I stop and put your feet back on the ground and then turn you back around to take you from behind, I re-enter you and proceed to fuck you harder and faster, as I grab your hair and pull you moan and continue to cum, another slap across your ass , hard and I am ready to cum, I thrust in hard one last time with a loud grunt and release my load. I stand there and hold you, spent and happy. I kiss you, untie you and we finish getting cleaned up, then head to the lab for “Round 2”.

DT

Fathers Day

I know today is Sir Sunday, and I will be honest my loving Sir has a post all ready for me to post today, it just needed a picture. But I find myself thinking that today I would rather say some things myself.

Fathers....
When I was growing up my Dad was not in the picture. He left my mom and I when I was 18 months old, saying that he just wasn't man enough to be a father, I've never seen him since.

Fast forward 6 years and my mom remarried, a nice enough man she thought, but after 2 years of his verbal and emotional abuse towards us both, she couldn't get him out fast enough and moved him into an apartment using her personal savings and leaving us nearly destitute. It was 2 years of screaming, hiding in the closet and wishing he would just ....leave. Not to mention the physical and sexual abuse at the hands of his much older "children"

Again it was just me and Mom, until I was 10 and she remarried...My Dad! Well the man that I will always call my Dad. He truly was an incredible person, he loved me unconditionally, as if I was his own. He looked out for me, he always had my moms back in her disciplining of me. I hated him, fought him, pushed him away, and never let him in.

In the meantime, there was my uncle, an amazing man as well. He cared for me as if I was the daughter he never had. If I had to claim a father I would claim him in a second! He was a wonderful loving father and husband. I spent many years making sure he knew that I looked at him as a father figure. I married, and he spoke at my wedding, he was there when my daughter was born, he was there when my son was born. But he was very sick, he fought a long battle with lung issues, and heart disease. He waited to see my son. I know he did, he lived long enough to know that I was going to be a good mom to that little boy. And 6 weeks later, after having had a double lung transplant he passed. It was June. And I was heartbroken. Sitting here now I miss him, my heart aches and I can hardly see through the tears.

Then there is My Dad. I was 10 when he married my mom, and a month before my 32nd birthday I killed him. At least, in my mind, I was the cause. It was summer and my parents came to visit us for 2 weeks. After a week of fighting screaming and hard feelings my dad was packing up the trailer to head back "home" with my mom. In packing up he managed to touch the electric fence. I'll never forget him looking at me and saying "If anyone with a bad heart ever touched that you'd kill them" 2 weeks later he was gone....a heart attack. And I will never forget that. It wasn't until then that I realized what a great father he had been to me. That he was and always will be the DAD I wanted as a child. It was June.

Now, I look at my children. My oldest two haven't spoken with their father since August of 99. My current SO is horrid to them, he treats them with one standard while treating his two with me totally different. The little two, love and adore their father. They do not see the man that I do, Thank God! I would hate for them to see what I see, I do not ever want them to realize he's not the perfect man they think he is.

And then there is my Sir, Die_Tryin. He has 4 kids, two he was supposed to see this summer, and because of financial issues as well as issues with his Ex the kids were not able to come out. I know this hurts him, and I can only say that if the situation were different, I'd have flown him out to see them myself. But his SO is threatened by the Ex and will not let that happen. Perhaps he should claim a business trip? hmmm, its a thought. I can hear the ache in his voice knowing that he can't be with them. That his daughter is missing him and wanting to be with him, and that his son is growing distant. I want to wrap my arms around him and take the ache away! This is where I'm struggling, I want him with me...no I NEED to have him with me, in my life, daily, in my arms, in my bed, in my heart. But that means he has to leave his SO, and his other two children. Twin boys, 4 months old, beautiful boys! I talk to him often and I hear them over the phone and my heart aches because I feel like I'm taking him away from them. This hurts me deeply. He says that I'm not doing that, that his SO won't keep him from them, but I have doubts I have worries, and fears. I love DT, and I love his kids, they are a part of him. And, its June.

So, everyone take a moment on Fathers Day to be thankful for your Father, and all the other Fathers that touch your lives. I know I am.

cumming on command...

After thinking long and hard about DT's Sir Sunday post I figure its time to put my two cents in. After all I'm the guinea pig in this little experiment.

First off, do I even think it's possible to orgasm without being touched? hmmm, you know with the right mindset I do. I think you have to be highly reactive, and open to suggestion, not to mention having a very vivid imagination.

Now, when I look at all that and I think about myself I know I'm a prime candidate for attempting this. I can be sitting in the car minding my own business and hear a memory of DT telling me I WILL cum for him, and its right there on the verge so very close. My heart races, my breathing gets faster, my stomach gets those exquisite butterflies going, my pussy gets wet, and I am thisclose to cumming right then and there.

So, I have to say that I'm very excited about this prospect, I know it will be a thrilling exercise!

HNT....

who says you can't wear Navy under white??




Stopover and visit Osbasso and all of the other wonderful folks on HNT this week!!

ITS HERE!!!!! and an update...

So I have to start out doing the happy dance here people I mean REALLY! I'm so excited. As I mentioned before DT had bought me a ring at Zahour Jewelry. Well, the ring came in today and it's incredible!!! Here are a couple quick picks of it on me.




What you can't see in these pictures is that the raised braille on the ring declares me as HIS. I can't stop touching it looking at it, smiling because I have this small thing from him that means so much.





UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE

And now for the big update...

As many of you read yesterday DT's wife found out about me. It was a long night of waiting for him to show up online or call me. And finally, he found me and we had a very long talk. It was a lot of me crying, and him telling me what had happened between them. So, to make a long story short I'll just say that we are still together, we are still planning to be together for the rest of our lives, but no, he has not left her yet. They still have more talking to do, things are not good at home, he's sleeping in a separate room, and she's still desperately trying to hang on to him. We talked into the wee hours this morning, and then as always he called me for my morning wake up call. We spent the day chatting on and off while he was at work, had a brief call from work. And he talked to me most of the way home, well until his brother called. So, for now, we are still apart, nothing really has changed other than she knows.

She is willing to accept me in his life as long as its "look but don't touch". She's looking at houses for them to move into, she's planning a future with him. All the while he's planning a future with me.

We interrupt this romance.....

To rip the rug right out from under my feet.

Let's go back, way back. About 6 - 8 months ago I was minding my own business at life. I was married, with kids, and just sleepwalking through life. I met this guy DT, he was married, and things seemed good for them. Things came and went and time went on, and as things happened we started to find that we had a LOT in common, more and more with each passing day.

There were things in the way, a virtual relationship with my virtual sister. A marriage for him, a marriage for me. Kids for us both. And over 1000 miles between us. We played and had fun, saying that if things were different, maybe....maybe.

Then the virtual relationship with my virtual sister fell apart, and we started to come closer and closer to each other. And then the day came that he asked me to be his sub. We designed a ring and we made a commitment to each other. It was then that things really started to grow and build between us. There was a 5-hour chat that brought us to some painful realities. But we grew stronger. And at some point, we realized that we HAD to be together. There was so much talk about when we could extract ourselves from our current situations. And that brings me to today...

His wife found out about me.

Now what? Well, I don't know......and have no idea when I will.

Of Love and Long distance Domination.

As promised....Sir Sunday!!!!





One of the major recurring topics in all of our discussions are the distances involved in our relationship. We always talk as much as we can and write as much as we can during the day, and with all this communication and a pair of similarly kinked minds we have had no problems, bridging the “physical” aspects of out D/s relationship, first with our trust level there are no secrets between us, even the painful is disclosed, with out this “we” wouldn't work. This being said His_babydoll and I are working on our “play sessions” and they are getting more and more vivid and intense. So lately we have been noticing her reaction with the suggestion of an event, which has me working on the training of having her “cum on command” it is going to be a fun undertaking and I do believe that when we are finally together I will have her to the point that the right look or tone of my voice will push her over the edge, every time. I will keep you all updated.

~DT

Shoes and the Submissive..

What is it about Submissives and shoes?

I ask this because I am not...no I WAS not a shoe person. One pair of sandals, a comfy pair of every day shoes and a pair of heels for the rare dress occasion and I was content. But now that I've decided to explore the sub side of me I find myself drawn to SHOES.

I've bought more shoes in the last 2 months than I have in the last 2 years.
Anyone care to explain this phenomenon? I'd love to know whats happening to me.

In the mean time DT says its because now I have someone in my life that appreciates my legs, so I want to show them off. Which I will not deny is true. But really the extreme change in me is amusing. If you knew me you'd never expect to hear me say this.....I think I want a pedicure. yeah ok so my friends are all passed out cold at that one. LOL

If you have any thoughts on this, drop me a line and let me know...

Next mission, get DT to build me a bigger shoes closet. LOL

HNT.....

So, my loving Sir Die_tryin is just too sweet to me. A while back my beloved Rottweiler had to be put to sleep, and I was just miserable. Crying for days, knowing that he couldn't be here with me he sent me his shirt...after he wore it! A wonderful T-shirt hug from him to me. I wore it for a day before sending it back to him no longer smelling like him, but smelling like US. So here it is....enjoy






Stopover and visit Osbasso and all of the other wonderful folks on HNT this week!!

A moment....

Eyes that touch my soul
Reaching grasping pulling
Immersing me in his touch.

I read his thoughts, he knows
my deepest desires, feeling me
touching me surrounding me

No deeper surrender than this
My heart and soul
laid bare before him

There is precious little time
To share with him with me
No secrets, no lies, no masks

No greater love no greater trust
my heart within his hands
My love upon his lips

A kiss, before a whisper
A touch, before a gasp
A moment.......before a lifetime

- HBD


NOW that I have that out of the way....lol

I have to tell you all about the amazing DT and what he's done for me! Well, a few months ago he asked me to be his sub, and well I was so very very honored! I said yes. And then we started talking and he decided that he wanted to buy me a ring as a show of our commitment to each other. Well, the ring was custom made for ME! This ring is perfect for DT and I can't wait to share it with you all!!

Feeling Helpless....

Things seem to be just spinning in crazy circles, and I can't keep my head above water right now. I'm drowning in a sea of emotions, happy, joy, excitement, dread, panic, apprehension, fear, anger, pain, and most of all right now helplessness.

DTs SO is a member of a social site that I belong to as well, it seems that she is using this site to create an alternate reality for herself. In addition to bouncing around like a rubber ball of love and dislike, she cycles from being angry and almost hateful about DT, to how he's the most wonderful man in the world. All her posts and thoughts seem to revolve around getting attention from others. Validation of her feelings. No matter what the current emotion is. It's frustrating for me to see, knowing there are so many lies. Its harder knowing that now DT sees these things and is hurt by the realization that his marriage is revolving around her lies. (Yes, I know he will read this, and no I'm not worried we share EVERYTHING)

Now for the heart of the matter, let's face it DT is still married, as am I. Which means, that we will have to share a bed with the SO's in our lives until we can extract ourselves. How do we do this without hurting each other? Well, try not to give too many details to start with. Think about each other while we're with the SO's, and then, of course, lean on each other after the fact because the mere act of being with the SO's hurts. Not just hurting each other, but it hurts on a personal level as well. I know, I was in that position this past weekend. And it HURT to be with my SO when I wanted so badly to be with DT. I thankfully can avoid this as my SO is away from home 2 or more weeks at a time. DT is not so lucky, he is with a woman that doesn't realize there is a problem and is grasping at everything she has to try and fix it. Which means "connecting" in a sexual manner.

I knew it happened tonight, I knew it before I talked to him. He wasn't here at the usual time. And no word that he would be away, that was the only possibility. When he did get back online I knew, from the way he typed that he was either not alone, or was concerned that I wasn't alone. Finally, it slipped out, without him saying the words he told me. And while I hurt for me, I ached for him, I felt his pain, regret...shame. There is nothing I can do to help him. I can assure him that I love him, I can be there for him to talk to. But nothing will take it away until we are together....eventually.

The thing is that she has started to draw on his/our kink, in a very vanilla way. A little hair pulling, a spank on the ass. But wait, what about the first time she ASKED him to spank her. And when he followed through because he thought it might fix them, she waited a couple days and threw it back in his face that he HIT her. Now again, she's asking for him to spank her, pull her hair etc. Where is this coming from? besides desperation?

We talked briefly, and that was very limited, and interrupted by her coming down for a baby bottle. He covered well, talking to his brother he said, he's tired he said. He tells his brother He loves him, and to call back when he's not so tired they'll talk later. I'm 2nd again...but I'm not I know I'm first in his heart and the one he loves.

Now for confession time....I'm scared. I'm afraid that she's going to win. What right do I have to come between them? What if she does have it in her to be a sub? What if what if what if? So, its been over an hour now, she's been feeding the baby. I know this takes time. But well, I know in my heart he won't be back tonight, and tomorrow I won't get my wake up call, so I'm off to cry myself to sleep.









Who said nothing could kill the high I've been flying since buying those tickets last night?

OMG OMG OMG We did it!!!

I can't believe it! Tonight the tickets were bought that will bring Die_Tryin to me !! Can anyone ask for a better Birthday present than to have the love of their life fly out to spend a fabulous 3 days and nights with them for the FIRST time ever!

To say that I'm excited is an oversimplification of the emotions running through me right now.

So, With this short and sweet post I can't sit still long enough to write I'm going to throw together a count down clock and go enjoy my chat time with DT

I need you

A new feature for us here, Sir Sundays!! When my wonderful Die_tryin gets to post his contributions to the blog. Show him some love!!!

I love you more than all the stars in the sky.
I love you more as each moment passes us by.
I love you more with every breath I take.
I love you more with each promise we make.

I need you like a flower needs the rain.
I need you for you can wash away my pain.
I need you more each day
I need you for you are so wonderful, in every single way.

I miss you more than ever now.
I miss you because I really need you somehow.
I miss you and your touch.
I miss you because you mean so much.

I want you to caress my lips the way you always do.
I want you to look into my eyes and see my love for you.
I want you to hold me close to your heart.
I want you to know that I love you, need you, miss you, and want you
And I have for every single moment, right from the start.


- DT

Marriage, sex, and this submissive's heart...

As you may...or may not know, Die_tryin and I, are married - but not to each other. He has been married to a very vanilla for a little over 2 years (a light swat on the butt and she's whining about why do you want to huuuuurt me), and I am married to a narcissistic abuser what I'm sure would say he wants to be a dominant if I would let him in on my desires. (The danger beacons are flashing)

This past week Die_Tryin was out of town for a couple days because of a training session for work. We had amazing nights on the phone lasting into the wee hours. Falling asleep to each others voices, sharing our hopes, dreams, and expectations. Then, he had to return home. Thursday night to be exact, so it was a short night for us a little chatting online but nothing like the nights we had just had. The nights that we couldn't get enough of. It was a painful thing for us both, his SO was angry and demanding as he drove home, but when he returned to the house she pretended that nothing had happened. How she thought that was going to improve things between them, neither of us can say.

Friday, he returned to work and found himself the recipient of several calls from her alluding to the fact she had a "reconnect" night planned for them. To say that this was a futile effort on her part is an understatement. But alas she tried. And he, well he had to play along - and will continue until he can remove himself from this complication in a manner that relieves some of his sense of responsibility.

Where did this leave me? Well, it left me alone last night, knowing that he was with her and that yes he is married to her, and yes he would have sex with her. And that is very painful for this submissive's heart.

At HIS request...

There is nothing like a refreshing shower in the morning, add a little sexual playtime and its even better. I have to say I never need someone to tell me to masturbate in the shower, it's just a given I'm going to do it. But its amazingly sexy when my Dom, Die_Tryin, tells me to do it, and tells me to imagine him doing these things to me. It puts him inside my head, in my thoughts, and in my shower.
That was the case this morning, he called to wake me up, our daily ritual. We talked all the way to work, and when he got there he asked if I would be heading to the shower this morning. Of course, that was my morning's plan, so I was not surprised when he told me what he wanted me to do. I was to take one of my toys with me, a dildo that's roughly the same size he is.....


I went into the bathroom, and started the shower, as hot as I could handle it. No more no less than perfect. I quickly stripped out of my panties and T-shirt before stepping into the steaming shower, quickly soaping up my body while the water ran over me warming me. I stopped to pay special attention to my breasts, the tingle of my touch brought life to my nipples and a smile to my lips. Leaning back against the cool wall, feeling the hot water wash over me in contrast. I brought a hand down between my legs, rubbing my clit the way I imagine he will, the way I know his tongue will caress me when we are together. Closing my eyes the heat on my body the cool wall on my back, and my fingers exploring my pussy, I came then once, hard and trembling.


I took the time to wash my hair quickly before following the rest of his directions, turning to face the wall bending over and bracing myself against the wall with one hand taking the dildo from the shower shelf, letting the warm water run off my back and over the member in my hand, tracing my fingers around it, imagining him there with me. Reaching around behind me I teased my pussy lips with the head of this imaginary cock, tapping against my clit and getting caught in the waves that ran through my body. I started slowly, just the head easing between my lips. ooooh yes, that is the way I like it, I slowly ease the length into me waiting pussy. Closing my eyes again, and imagining the feel of his hands on my hips as he slides in and out of me, his ball slapping against me. It's amazing, the things my mind can put together.


In brief moments I'm coming again, pussy juices gushing from my hole. I continue to thrust against the cock in my hand through one orgasm and right into another. Two in a row like that with just my toys is not the norm for me. I let it roll through me the waves of pleasure taking me away from it all. I slow the thrusts down briefly to catch my breath before going for the last one. After all, I was told I had to get at least 3 before getting out. Easing the speed of thrusts up, up, up again rocking my hips as I thrust at different angles getting the full feel of the dildo in my pussy....harder, thrusting HARD and fast until my knees are weak, my breath heavy, and my pussy clamping down as I let go one last time, cuming again, screaming out his name even though he's 1600 miles away. As I turn off the water and dry myself, I know that no matter how far away he is, he's always with me.

Inspired Dreams by DT

Here it is ladies and gents the newest inspiration from my loving Sir Die_Tryin.

Please drop a comment and show him the love. Maybe we can get him to make this a regular feature!.











It is a rainy evening there is a knock at the door, your dogs bark and you get up from the computer to see who it is. The knock is heard again a little harder this time. As you get to the door and look through the peephole you see a familiar yet unexpected face. Throwing the door open you exclaim “Sir, I didn’t expect to see you!” I reply “Well you couldn’t really expect me not to take you up on your invitation?” You leap into my arms and I notice you are wearing a robe and not much more. “I was just getting ready to take a bath, would you like to warm up and join me?” as I step inside and shut the door you start to turn and walk towards the bathroom, letting your robe slide off of your shoulders and to the floor. “Is the water drawn yet Babydoll?” I ask and you reply “not yet”. “Good, now come back here and greet me properly” I strip out of my outerwear hastily and get down to my underwear as we walk towards each other.

Our bodies meet in a clash of warm flesh, your breasts rub against my chest, our mouths come together in a firm passionate kiss your hands going to my face my hands holding you tight and running up and down your back from your shoulders to your naked ass, I pull you in tight and you gasp as you feel my erect cock through my underwear. We continue to kiss and explore each other's bodies. Your hands leave my face as you reach for my waistband and start to work the underwear down my hips. As you kneel before me and take my cock into your hands, “I’ve been waiting for this” you say with a frisky look in your eye as you start to tease the head, a lick, a bit of the tip getting sucked, your tongue tracing every ridge, line, and vein the entire length of my erection. You then start to take more and more into your lovely lips you get about half of it in and start to cup my balls and massage them as you go up and down on my cock going a little further and faster each time. I am groaning and gently guiding your head back and forth. “Babydoll let’s change this up a bit I want to have my cock in that pussy of yours too” you look up at me and give one last long slow sucking stroke as your mouth comes off my cock with a “pop” as you release it.

You stand up and turn and press your ass against my throbbing cock, “What did you have in mind, Sir?” I spin you to face the wall and run my hand between your legs, from your clit all the way back, I feel your heat, the juices flowing on my fingers, I stroke again, playing with your clit, then probing inside, with one finger, then two and start to slowly pump my fingers in your pussy, exploring, feeling, and enjoying. My other hand has started to massage your breasts and nipples alternating between rubbing, pinching, and pulling firmly. Then I kneel behind you and spread your legs out a bit and start to lick your pussy, my tongue flitting in and out I feel your juices running down my chin, I hear you moaning and you are starting to grind on my face urging my tongue in deeper and deeper. As you start to cum I let you ride the wave of ecstasy and vary the pace of my licking, you cum again as you moan and start to shake. I stand up and let my throbbing, engorged cock come to rest between your thighs and reach up and pull you to me and kiss you, “fuck me now” you beg with a whimper, I take and slide my cock through your wet lips slowly letting the head bump on your clit, I repeat this a few more times as I feel you building again for an orgasmic release, I let my cock penetrate your pussy, it is so wet, so hot and fits my cock so well I have to pause to keep from cumming right there, so I hold there my cock buried deep in your pussy, my hands on your hips, I start to pump my cock in and out of your pussy, a little faster and a little harder, you feel my balls slap on your lips with every thrust, I hear you moaning, and I feel you cum again the juices further lubricating my efforts.
I pull my cock out of you it is glistening with our love juices, I turn you around
And have you face me you have the look of a woman on the verge of ecstasy brought on by orgasmic pleasure. “Are you ready for more?” You try to speak but only let out a nod and a feeble “please” between trying to catch your breath. I hoist you up your legs find home around my waist, I lean you against the wall gently and put my cock back in your honey pot, you moan as I enter you and as I hold you there pressed between me and the wall everything feels perfect, the pressure of my shaft inside you as I half suspend you by my rod. Then the slow screw begins, in and out, slowly at first, you rising and falling with every movement of my cock, I begin to suck on your pert nipples, which at full attention form all the arousal to this point, I start driving my cock home a little firmer rolling my hips as I thrust. I tell you to hold on as I pull you away from the wall, you are still impaled on my member, your arms around my neck and legs around my waist, you start bouncing, riding my cock as I make my way to the bedroom pausing from time to time to fuck you against whatever wall is the closest.
We arrive at the bed, I stand at the edge and allow you to lay back on the bed, I take your legs and hold your ankles straight up, and frantically start to drive myself in and out of your over stimulated velvet pink, you are moaning, writhing with sheer ecstasy, trembling, screaming “don’t stop”, I tell you to rub your clit. You explode with orgasm after orgasm, I am beginning to feel the point of no return as my own ejaculation is building, I ask you “where do you want my cum? “You breathlessly say “all over me” so I pull my cock just as I am about to release and spray my cum all over your smooth body from your pussy to your tits. You run your finger through it wiping it in, and bring a finger to your lips and slowly taste it, “yummy” you say with a low moan. “Now I really need a bath” you say with a small chuckle, I nod in agreement. I lie on the bed next to you and whisper in your ear “that my love is the fuel for another “Dream””. We lie there for a bit then crawl into bed for a good nights sleep.

Planning for my birthday....

So, this long-distance thing is for the birds, but let me tell you I wouldn't let go of Die_Tryin for anything. He is the love of my life. Another part of me that I didn't know was missing. But we've both found that we need each other, on levels we never suspected.

We came up with this plan it started out with me looking for flights to the east coast if the need ever arose to get him out of his immediate situation. The flights are amazingly cheap to that area from here. This turned into us talking about a small getaway of me going there to visit him. But with the kids and all the other things I have at home, it's not the easiest thing for me to do.

Wait, wait wait...what if we fly him out here. So, we got to looking and a flight and hotel for him to fly out here and spend a "weekend" is very reasonable. The plan??? to fly him out to me and spend 2 nights with me, WITH ME!!!!!!

So, I'm slightly beside myself happy right now!

Microfantasy Monday

So, I decided I'd try my hand at this Microfantasy Monday thing I keep hearing about. Not sure that I'll have much luck but here goes...

This week the theme is Thunder. OH, don't forget to stop by and visit Sweltering Celt at her blog.


The night is so dark, the clouds have rolled in from the mountains, and covered the moon. Standing in the bedroom looking out the french doors I watched the rainfall, praying the storm would pass. Ever since I was a child I hated thunderstorms. The lights had flashed several times the last hour, thankfully my cell phone was maintaining signal.

"Babydoll? Are you ok lover" You asked. The wind was picking up, whipping the trees around in a mad dance of dark figures, like Imps offering up Thanks to the Gods. While I knew you were just trying to distract me, the tension in the air tonight wasn't going to let me relax and stop my pacing.

"Mmm-hmmm, fine babe. Why do you ask?"

"You're very quiet tonight lover," the concern in his voice brought me back momentarily.

"It's just the storm love. I'll be fine when it ends." Once more I started pacing the length of the house, from the kitchen to the bedroom, and back again.

"You know once we're together, you'll love storms."

I laughed knowing that he had been saying that for the last several months, I'd yet to believe him, and with there being no end to our separation in sight, I wasn't holding out much hope. "You know if you say that often enough lover I may actually start to believe it."

"Oh, what would help you believe it Babydoll?" he said in that soft soothing voice that always brings me to my knees. I stopped my pacing and fell into the recliner outside the bedroom door. There was something odd in your voice.

I put my head against the wall and sighed deeply, "You here, now Sir." There was a long pause then before I whispered, "I need you." Those three words, the ones that mean more to us both than I love you. They held a much deeper meaning, one we would never admit to anyone outside us.

"I know Babydoll," he laughed, "all in due time." There was a flash of lightning then and the lights went out. I gasped in surprise and curled my legs up in the chair wrapping my free hand around them, my cheek on my knees. "K? Can you do me a favor?"

"Yes Sir"

The house was dark, and the only sound was the rain falling. Splattering the house, falling harder as the minutes went on. "Alright Babydoll, I want you to go to the door, open it, step outside, and tell me what you see?"

"Are you CRAZY!? It's pouring out there, Babe." What was he thinking?? sighing deeply again, "Which door, Sir?" I knew I couldn't say no to him.

"How about the bedroom?" Of course the bedroom. French doors, that open out on to a patio in serious need of repair. Slowly, stretching my legs, and easing up from the chair I made my way to the bedroom door. Not really wanting to, but not seeing any other option.


I walked up to the door, hesitating as I opened the door and let the cool air blow over me. "Let me know when you are outside, lover." He instructed.

I counted to 3, before stepping out into the rain. Amazingly it wasn't coming down that hard after all. "OK Sir, I'm outside. Now what?"

Just then a flash of lightning crossed the sky lighting up the dark road in front of my house, and the black SUV that wasn't supposed to be there. And him....standing in the rain, a smile on his face, he'd done it.......






I wasn't afraid anymore