What do you call her?

She said yes. She told him to do it. He was her husband....and while he did it she lay there and cried, praying it would be over soon, hate in her eyes. Had she said No, he would have done it anyway.   (I was asked by my babydoll to proofread this post and it has stirred up some emotions and issues from my past  so I feel I need to comment on this blog as well   ~DT)

Is it rape?
 
(Yes it is .) 

Rape is defined as
unlawful sexual activity and usually sexual intercourse carried out forcibly or under threat of injury against the will usually of a female or with a person who is beneath a certain age or incapable of valid consent

sexual assault is defined as
a statutory offense that provides that it is a crime to knowingly cause another person to engage in an unwanted sexual act by force or threat.


By force of threat...or under threat of injury.

So, what if you're arguing, he isn't violent...YET, but his previous patterns say he will be soon. And you tell him, fine do it you want it so bad just stick it in and get it over with. Then you lay there looking at him with hate in your eyes, letting him know just exactly how much you hate him. Is there a threat? Is that consent? Is it rape? sexual assault? none of the above?
(Yes it is just because he hasn't hit you YET doesn't mean he won't.)

What is it called when you have sex with your husband so that you won't have to argue with him, because that argument is going to be verbally abusive, demeaning, hateful, and just plain hell. What do you call that woman?
( If you are under the worry or thought of abuse, physical or mental and under duress use sex as a "distractionary" tactic, it is sex under duress or threat of abuse, So again I say yes.) 

What do you call the woman who wakes up to find her husband on top of her, penetrating her, oblivious of the fact that she is asleep, not caring that she can't say yes? Only caring about his own base needs. His response to the tears afterward? I couldn't help it you are just so sexy. Is she just being sexy? Is that the price she pays for being attractive to men?
(You would call her the victim of a RAPE, even married it is still non-consensual sex)

What do you call the woman that says yes, but as the act progresses she says no, it hurts it's not what she wants...please stop. Don't do this, it hurts please stop, with tears in her eyes, pleading. Only for him to continue on? Is she a victim? Did she ask for it? Is she being a tease? And the next night when he wants it again, and she refuses only to be met with a guilt trip about his needs, and how she is so beautiful, so sexy, he loves her so much. Would it just be easier if she were ugly?
(What kind of animal does this to a person he "professes" to love? I understand the heat of the moment, but if she says stop it hurts and is crying, you are needing to stop. )

Does a wife even have the right to say no? Isn't it her duty to serve her husband? Wifely duty and all that? What is it if the woman says no because it is her duty as a wife. Does she even have the right to say NO? And if verbally beaten into the position where she does it because its frankly just easier to do it and get it over with than it is to fight it? To just say yes when every cell in your body says no I don't want this.
(Wifely duty, even the letter of most "Christian vows" doesn't spell out that she must "have marital relations or else" her sexual duties to her husband stop at her consent, it is her body and as such, she can say "no". Men if she is saying no, rather than get pissed off and demand she performs "marital" or worse taking them, find out why she doesn't or won't, listen and try to fix it, even if you need outside help)

How does this woman say NO when he threatens to take the children and never let her see them again? To have her removed from "his" house? To shut off the phone, Internet, satellite, water, electric, take away her car keys and physically disable the car as well? What if she can't support herself and her children outside of the marriage? WHAT DO YOU CALL IT WHEN SHE SAYS YES????
(In my opinion, this is the LOWEST form of mental abuse and should be a criminal offense, the denial or threat of denial of basic necessities.  Again this is "consent under duress or threat' and should be prosecuted as rape)



(To the woman who has endured this but not been hurt enough to get a ride in an ambulance or worse a hearse, I would call her a "survivor". Please explain to me how in most states in this glorious country a woman can get help, assistance to get away BEFORE she is beaten, battered or killed. But in the MAJORITY of the states in this SHAMEFUL country, the divorce and domestic violence codes are so old and backward that even a trip to the hospital might not even be enough to get her the help she needs to escape, to live, to survive. I know you are asking what do I know of domestic violence? What do I know of Rape? As a man, I have been married twice and never perpetrated "marital rights" on either of my wives, and the big one is my own mother was beaten to death in according to the police "a random act of "senseless" violence", what that says is a PC way of saying she was murdered when she defended herself against a rape. So with that view into the dark corners of my soul, you can see why my emotions are so strong and raw on this topic. In closing, this country needs a complete overhaul of the divorce and domestic violence standards and penal codes that is set to a NATIONAL standard and LISTENS to victims as much as the perpetrator.
thank you for reading this and if you have the ability to make a change please do before it is someone you know or love that this happens to.







WHAT DO YOU CALL
THE WOMAN THAT LIVES ALL OF THIS EVERY DAY?























I call her ME.






You see, sometimes, it is simply survival. There is no leaving, the reasons are too many, too varied, too complex. So, you stay and you keep doing it. You hate yourself for it, you are dirty, used, broken. You try to be unattractive, you just hope to survive to live another day.


It wasn't supposed to be about ME.........

PAIN

Sir Sunday

From the Mind of Sir Die_Tryin.

PAIN







The topic today is pain, unfortunately not the good ecstasy kind of pain derived from a good and vigorous “play” session. The kind of pain I am referring to is the deep pain in a situation that has gone beyond your control and you feel helpless to protect or help the other party involved.

This weekend was one of those long painful sessions when HBD's SO was home, as the regular readers know his job keeps him on the road for extended periods of time, not long enough by either of our likings. A little background about HBD's SO, he is EX military, an abuser, mental and emotional at this point but has a distinct potential for the physical abuse, it has surfaced in little manifestations up until now. He is a large man over 6' tall and weighing in over 280 lbs while HBD is a petite thing at just over 5' and less than 140 lbs. She is defiantly fighting out of her weight class. He is a bully by nature and uses his size to intimidate HBD and others as a means to get his way, and like all bullies when you show indifference or defiance it pushes them to the physical.

The last two days have been unbearable for me, they were going to discuss the plans for their impending divorce and separation, the details of who gets what and who pays for what. All their phone calls on this topic have always ended with him screaming and threatening to turn off all the utilities and services to the house. You can see where my helplessness has kicked in, being 1600 miles away doesn't help. So now where the pain begins.

He came home Friday late and interrupted our normal evening chatting and communication, he was in a foul mood and already starting shit. His whole focus was to get a sexual "release" and attempted everything he could to get HBD to comply. HBD has told him in no uncertain terms that there will never be any kind of intimate contact between them ever again. She has told him this on many occasions since her intent to divorce has been made open. He continually runs the gambit from the light and joking “friends with benefits” to actual threats of “rape” and he even started the actions once hoping to scare her into it. Now we move forward a bit, to the last two weeks when he has been talking to a woman we all know who herself is in a lie of a marriage - forced into what she thinks is an “open marriage” in order to keep her husband (I might touch more on her in a later rant) We will call her Iris the whore, she is a actually a self-professed “swinger” along with her husband and has a personal beef with HBD and myself over some Internet drama on a web site we all frequent, (this would be how I know about Iris' proclivities? At one time she had made moves on me prior to HBD and I becoming a couple, this is just some of the internet drama) Now Iris the whore has taken an interest in HBD's SO and started him down the path of attempting to “force” HBD into an “Open marriage” like her own. HBD has no desire to participate in this with him and has told him he is free to do whatever or whoever he wants she does not care what he does and do not care to know anything about it. He is intent on going out to Iris the whore on his way through her town this week, in fact, the bulk of today was spent with him talking to Iris the whore while HBD was sitting a mere foot away and he the whole time he was alluding to his plans with Iris the whore. When the topic of if or when HBD finds someone to be intimate with, he interjects that she cannot have anyone unless she gives him a piece of herself first and he will continue to “have her until the divorce is final”. WTF this guy is a fucking tool, he then goes on to whine to HBD that he wants her to help him find lovers for him, (OMG is this asshole for real?) Now before I get sounding all holier than thou and like a sanctimonious prick. He really thinks he is going to make it impossible for HBD to leave by his actions as well as by mentally and emotionally beating her into thinking she can't survive without him, then go on the road and fuck anything he wants and come home to have her service him and she is supposed to just accept it? All he seems to want at this point from HBD is a hole to get off in. Again WTF!!!!! When will this jackass get a clue and realize that Don't touch me means just that DON'T TOUCH ME! And that he will never have intimate relations with her again. Separated means they are done. Even if he does want to work things out like he still says he wants to, you don't go OPENLY flaunting your plans to bed a whore in front of the woman you claim to want to fix things with.

I've gotten a bit off topic so now will touch a bit more on the pain, knowing his potential for violence and that his one driving focus is his penis, as well as his mental instability, every moment there is no contact with HBD sends me to dark places, is she OK, mentally, physically, emotionally. Has he beat her self esteem down to the point that she has given up her resolve to end things between them, has she withdrawn from thinking about leaving him, is she contemplating ending us. This thought is almost too much to bear, too much for my soul to take, I have made a vow to her to always protect her and nurture her and be her partner. I feel bad for feeling so weak, for allowing myself to be overtaken by these emotions, I know that HBD is devoted to me, I know she loves me, and I know she wants us. I pray he gets a clue soon and gives up before it gets ugly.

Until then all I can do is continue to be here for HBD and untangle my own situation, to work on getting us together, forever and a day

I love you Babydoll, and can't imagine a life without you, just be strong.

~DT (with edits from HBD)

A brief note from HBD
I have read this blog post more than once and edited it slightly for content. DT speaks for me, my thoughts, my fears, my feelings, my wants, and desires. These are things he is fully aware of, we have no secrets and are completely honest with each other. So, when he said that I have told my SO there will be no intimate contact, he has heard this straight from me, and it is the pure and simple truth.

I love this man Die_Tryin, he is everything that I have ever looked for in a man, things I didn't know I needed to feel complete. We are a perfect fit, made from complementary molds. I will be with him, forever...and a day.

OH, and don't forget to run over to my Tumblr page!!