As many of you know I have a 17-year-old daughter. She's had it rough until DT came into my life and started getting me back on track. But since then she's had life pretty good. She goes to school, comes home, does her chores which consist of doing the dishes, and taking care of her cat, then on to homework, dinner, and bedtime. She's kind of a homebody but I do let her go out with friends and to school events, all she has to do is get chores and homework done...oh and the important part, ASK. She has a school-issued laptop, an mp3 player, a knock off kindle book reader, a cell phone, and her own room. She does not have a job, a car or a driver's license (all at her choosing).
She also has a big problem letting go of the sins of the past. I married an ass, I know this, he was very hard on her,
Now, I agree she needs to work through these things, they were horrible, and she needs to find a way to process them.
Fast forward to Monday, she gets caught with her cell phone - texting. She has been grounded from the cell phone because she was giving her phone number to people she met online. One, in particular, was in Florida, she claims she's madly in love with him, that they are going to live together when she graduates. So, texting was shut off. Monday, we find her texting ...this time, some guy in Illinois, one in Iowa, and another in New Jersey. Who are they? She claims she doesn't know. How did she meet them? online. What does she know about them, nothing? After an hour of trying to explain to her why that's not safe, how it not only puts her in danger but also her sisters and me. She can only say that she doesn't understand what she did wrong. I pointed out to her two cases in our area of girls in their teens being abducted from their homes, one beaten, and raped. The other beaten, raped, cut into pieces and burned. I asked her if she wanted that for herself, she said she didn't know. I asked if she wanted that for her sisters she said....sometimes. That sometimes she gets mad at them and wishes something bad would happen to them. When confronted about how that is not normal she goes into fits of laughter saying that she's going to scream and pull her hair out if she doesn't laugh.
After several hours she agrees that she will live by the rules of the house, rather than go to the hospital for a mental health evaluation. We told her there is one rule and one rule only.......Do what you are told, no questions asked. We concede that she can ask how to do something or for clarification on what needs to be done. But she is not to question WHY. We also said that once you're done with what you were instructed then you can ask why and we'll explain it. (This no questions asked policy was added because she is constantly saying she doesn't understand why she has to do something, you can explain it in great finite detail, and again she'll claim she does not understand, over and over until its time for bed and nothing has been done). She agreed to this. The rest of the night was pretty quiet.
Then comes Tuesday, said DD doesn't come home from school. I got a phone call from her friend's cell phone and she said that was staying late to talk to a teacher. When I called the school, none of her teachers had seen her since school got out. Eventually, she showed up at the house, where she was told that she would not be allowed in the house until she handed over the laptop. An hour later, and a bit of a tug of war and I have the laptop. She had been warned that if she did not hand it over peacefully that I would also require that she hand over her mp3 player and book reader. Again, she refused and stormed off down the street. After a couple minutes, we went after her, and couldn't find her. Tried calling friends and no one would admit to seeing her. So, we did what a concerned parent would, we called the police. An officer came out and agreed that he felt she was just being a bratty teen and would be home when she got cold or hungry.
About an hour later she called from her friend's cell phone. Asking if I wanted her to come home, I told her I didn't want her to leave in the first place. I asked where she was and told her I would be there to pick her up. She said she would meet me at the gas station. I called the officer we had talked to and asked him to meet me there. A quick drive over and there he was, just as she walked up. He did his part as the "bad" cop to try and get through to her. I tell you I honestly thought she was going to spit in his face. It was really a waste of his time. It meant nothing to her. We left and got into the car, I told her this did not change things, that she still had to turn over her mp3 player and book reader if she wanted to come home. She refused, so I started off to the hospital to have her admitted for a mental health evaluation. 15 miles down the road she's trying to bargain with me. She'll give me them if we go home, I said no, you give them to me and I'll turn around. She'll give it to me if I turn around, I said no you'll give it to me and then I'll turn around. Finally, she gave it to me. And within 5 minutes she is laughing so hard at a tree she saw on the side of the road that you can't hear the radio.
She was told that today she would be picked up at school, and turn over her laptop to DT or me, and then we would go home, she would do chores and then she could do her homework. When that was done she would give her laptop back to us until morning. If she does this and does not have a major meltdown, screaming fit, or back talking smart mouth attitude then she'll get her mp3 player back.
DT went to the school to pick her up, he was going to try and talk to her, he seems to have a way with her that I don't. 10 minutes after school got out, still no sign of her. So he went into the school and had them page her, within minutes she showed up. I don't know what is happening, I know they are together.
I'm just at my wit's end with her, she doesn't care that she hurts me or her sisters. She doesn't care that she puts all of us at risk. She doesn't care about anything but the people she has been talking to online.
I don't know what to do, I'm scared, I'm hurt, I'm angry.......and I just wish I had some idea what to do to help the situation.
