Its just that deep...

The move is upon us. That means that my time with DT is very limited right now, and I have to say I'm not sure which one of us is struggling more. It's been months since he has slept with her, in the same room much less the same bed. Knowing that he is sleeping in a separate room, in a bed alone has helped me to get past the fact that he goes home to her every night.

Its been almost a month since I got to sleep in the same bed with my Sir, and now I know that he will be forced to sleep in the same hotel room with her Friday night, Saturday night and Sunday night in the same room at her parent's house. And this thought is ripping my heart out. But DT knows me and knows my insecurities, so he has reserved a room with not one bed, but TWO! Because he knows this would make me feel more comfortable with the situation. This man is amazing and has done so much to keep me sane. But I never feel like I do enough for him.

Because of that, I don't ask him for things, but today I found myself in the position of asking him for something. Something small, and petty, but that I needed to feel better about us. To be more secure in our path. I asked him to leave his wedding ring at his in-law's house with his SO. A little background, when his SO found out about us, he quit wearing his ring. She has told people that he isn't wearing it because of weight gain, that it's uncomfortable. I guess this helps her get through the day knowing people don't know the truth behind it. She had asked him to wear the ring at her parent's house, to put on a show for her parents so they don't think she failed. The thought of him putting that ring back on has me feeling caged, unable to breathe and ready to run. Why? I'm still working that through my mind.



Today she has been almost bi-polar in her attitudes towards the ring. Wear it please, never mind it means more to me than to you, then oh I'm sorry I was just upset. I can't stand this. I do NOT want that ring back on him. Damn it he is MINE. So, where does it stand? I don't know I suspect that he'll wear it back there. But I also believe that he will do what I asked and leave it there. He is saying he'll leave it as a last-minute thing just to avoid her slipping it back in his bag before he leaves. And there I struggle again because I know him and I'm afraid that things will be rushed and crazy before he leaves, thus leaving and flying back home wearing HER ring.



This is petty and childish, but it means more to me than even I'm willing to admit.