As I left off in the week before last's edition HBD and I were heading to CA for a graduation, this was a long time in the car together and allowed for some uninterrupted and needed communication on where we are, where we are going, and where we want to go. HBD and I have always liked the fact that this lifestyle is "a'la cart" and just because your kinks don't necessarily align with ours, it doesn't make you any more BDSM or M/s than we are.
In this conversation time we revisited our hard limit inventory (something we hadn't done in too long) as we grow in the life there are things that may go from hard "NO", to we are curious, and even vice versa where something we tried before became a NO. In the course of this conversation, I stated that a NO was the Daddy/BabyGirl dynamic that quite often has negative connotations to those outside the lifestyle. I mentioned that I didn't need this based on having a misinformed assumption of the dynamic. Down the road a bit and some conversation later this had caused some obvious distress in HBD and she wanted to discuss it but was afraid that the discussion of her needs would damage us, our fledgling return. I reassured her that we should discuss it and I even tried to make little light comments about it as I wasn't completely sure of the topic at hand. Finally, through a version of twenty questions and conversation, it came out she needs the Daddy dynamic. The protector, the leader, head of household and caretaker roles, needless to say I was a bit embarrassed. I missed this connection, as a Dom, in a living together/married relationship these qualities should already be there on some level. If she chose to look at me as a Daddy I should be taking that as a compliment. I will be that for her, the strong but gentle protector when needed.
As we are growing and progressing, communication and respect are two of the major cornerstones of this relationship. I am still learning, but I know that part of my role as a leader is to listen to my HBD to ensure her needs are met as well.
The graduation itself was uneventful and it was good to spend time with my son, I made another mistake at the event, we were lining up and were about 12 feet away from my EX (the one you recall from last time that was playing my son against me over money). It appeared she didn't notice us (despite my saying hi and waving, more on this later) and in my wanting to not be surprised if/when she noticed us, I made HDB insecure and upset her deeply. This led to a bad couple of hours and delayed the next days events (my fault). We went to do the touristy things in my old home town, took HBD for pizza at a place I worked at in HS that is still wildly successful (from 1 to 7 locations) then on to sightseeing. All in all a good day.
The drive home was going to take 3 days because we had planned a short driving day for the first day and only went for 2 ish hours, HBD let me know she was still upset and processing from the events of Fri and Sat. We had a good evening (except for a large town closing the restaurants before 10pm on a Sunday night) so it was kinda take what we could get for dinner.
Monday was a long drive and we discussed it more, she was hurt not understanding why I looked at the ex the way I did, misreading my look as desire, not weariness, I sometimes forget how fragile HBD is because she is so strong and has survived so much. I committed a big error: I assumed she was secure, not on the level of arrogance, more on the level of she has nothing to fear and she should know that. I have apologized and we have discussed this and with time the wound will heal, buy it is a lesson learned for me and even though my time if having to deal with that ex is definitely limited over the course of our future I will be wary of hurting HBD like that again.
Thank you HBD for loving me and having faith in me, I love you. Your Sir Die Tryin
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