It's been a long long time away, but now we are coming back....new and on the way to improvement

Greetings...and Salutations!!!

Did you think we had fallen off the internet? In a sense, I guess we did.  So much happened, and we just needed to take the time to be us again.  It was good, it was bad, and there is still so much growth and change ahead of us.

So, as a quick recap.

I am His_babydoll, I'm a bratty little submissive (slave wannabe), I met my Dom, Die_Tryin, online back in 2008. We were both married, unhappy, and trying to hold it together the best we could for our children. We had several face to face visits, both where I went to him and he came to me. We had ups and downs, more downs I'm sure it seemed to be.  Eventually, we both separated from our spouses and moved on to a life of our own.  Die_Tryin moved to Nebraska to be with me, and we hoped that things would fall into place...I'd like to say that they did.  But he moved her in 2010 and we still don't have the "lifestyle" that we hoped for.  Yes, we are married, and that is amazing. We are deeply in love with one another and that I wouldn't trade for anything.

But I will not deny that until recently, lifestyle has not been a part of our lives.  And frankly, sex was honestly non-existent.  On one hand, I missed it, on the other I was happy not to have it in my life.  I know that DT missed it terribly.  I felt guilty, I mean let's face it when he divorced his first wife they had gone well over 18 months without intercourse.  I'm sure he had to feel like he was living that same hell all over again. In that marriage, he felt unattractive, unloved, and unappreciated. Not just because of the sexual relationship, but the emotional side of the relationship was gone as well.  He has said before that he felt more like a live-in roommate or babysitter than a husband or partner.  While in his second marriage she would push him away time and time again, only to claim that she didn't feel he loved her anymore and needed to woo her back. Neither of these were positions I ever wanted him to feel he was in again because of me.

I was so unhappy with myself, that I would not allow myself to experience pleasure in anything, In fact, I would go out of my way to ensure that I was miserable.  It wasn't fair to him, and it damaged our relationship. I don't pretend to know why, or what my trigger was, I just know that I would do almost anything to avoid physical contact.  From kissing to touching to sex, I would avoid it at all costs.  To the point of being angry over nothing, and overworking simply to keep a distance between us.  If I could have found a way to sleep in separate beds I would have.

And then something happened, and I'm even more confused about what happened to draw us back to each other than I am about why we pulled apart to start with.  We were invited to a friends wedding about 9 hours from home, the plan was to leave Friday morning, drive to their family home where they had a room for us Friday and Saturday nights, then return home Sunday first thing in the morning.  We were roughly an hour and a half away from our destination Friday night when the car started acting up.  Shortly after it started acting up, we had no transmission. No forward, no reverse, it just felt like the car was in neutral. 11:30pm, in the mountains, an hour from any town. Cell service was poor and chances were we were going to be there a long time if we couldn't find a tow truck. No one answered... as luck would have it the owner of a small towing company happened to be out on a fuel run and drove past. He gave us the number to call someone and told us they would be our best bet.  But we couldn't take the chance so asked him what it would cost for him to go get his truck and take us to the next town 45 miles away.  He told us, and while it was a ton more than I wanted to pay, it was reasonable and he was there.  30 minutes later, he was back, loading our car up on the tow truck to haul it to the shop. Thankfully, the mechanic was located on the fringe edge of a town but had two hotels, a few restaurants, and a beautiful view of the mountains. We checked in Friday night and checked out Tuesday morning. $300.00 tow, $320.00 hotel, and $1500.00 in repair charges to the mechanic before we were back on the road.  It was pretty uneventful, I worked, he watched TV.  I had my period, no sex for us, we all know this is something I just don't do.  Something changed in me during this trip, I don't know what, or why.  But I know that I couldn't be more grateful for the universe stepping in and taking my world by storm.

We came home, and things were back to normal right?

NO!  They are anything but normal.

Well, let me clarify, life, in general, is normal.  But sex and our relationship are far from what we have lived through the last several years. From the night we came home we have had amazing sex, playtime, bondage, a little slave play, a lot of pain play, and a huge amount of communication on how we are going to get back to the path we both so badly wanted when we got together. The only night we haven't was because I wasn't feeling well.  I'm still facing some of my old demons, how to give the trust that was once lost (and continues to be tested at times), how to fit lifestyle into day to day life.  How to be an M/s couple in day to day life but still keep it from my children. So, tonight I filled his plate for dinner. It was small but it was something, now to look into more ways to fit this into our daily life. I'm all ears and up for suggestions.